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My stance right now is that I will not prevent her from raising them as Christians, so long as we stress to them the importance of making up their own minds, regarding what they believe.

When your child asks, do you plan to explain that mommy and you differ on the issue, or do you plan to support mommy?

If you will support mom -- "Yes, honey, God is looking at us right now, just like mommy told you" --- I advise introspection. It is not so easy to lie to your own child.

If you are going to undercut mom -- "Well, some people think that honey; but I don't think so" --- does your girlfriend know you plan to undercut her?

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I will explain that mommy and I don't see things the same way. But I don't see that as "undercutting" mommy. No set of parents ever agrees on everything. I haven't specifically told her that I will tell our kids my real opinion, but I don't think I have to b/c I'm pretty sure that's what she expects me to do...she knows I won't lie about my beliefs to anyone.

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What I ment is that woman like to test men to see if they have the qualities that they want. For example, if youre at a bar and you make eye contact with a guy and he looks away, thats was a test. It may be to check if hes insecure or is confident, but if he looked away, he failed the test. 

There are many more tests, but thats just one.

But what if the guy does not like her?

In the first place, a bar is not a great meeting place - if you are searching for a quality alter ego. And why would you use tests such as "eye contacting" when you can approach your prospect right away and start a conversation to get to know him/her? "Tests" are just a waste of time. Be direct... be straightforward.. do not play mind/hint games.

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Zoso,

What is your philosophy? I ask because I have read many of your posts and I can see no pattern. Your philosophy certainly isn't Objectivism. So, what is it? The only possibility that I can suggest that fits the scattered clues is pragmatism. Is that it? If not, then what is your philosophy in terms of essential principles?

The direct relevance of my questions to this thread is the hope that you will establish some context that will help me make sense of your comments.

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But what if the guy does not like her?
You just met her, you dont knwo if you like her.

But what if the guy does not like her?

In the first place, a bar is not a great meeting place - if you are searching for a quality alter ego.

The setting doesn't matter, it was just an example.

And why would you use tests such as "eye contacting" when you can approach your prospect right away and start a conversation to get to know him/her? "Tests" are just a waste of time.

You've missunderstood me, these aren't mind games, these are things women do.

Women notice body lanuguage better than men do.90 percent of communication is non-verbal, which means body language can tell you a lot more about a person than talking to them can.

Women don't want to be with a wuss or a "nice" guy,they want a MAN who "gets it"

What do women want?

A guy who is independent .

A guy who is indifferent and doesnt care what other people think of him.

A guy who is socially adjusted.

A guy who is confident.

A guy who is not insecure.

A guy who can take charge.

You can try to talk to a guy and ask him if hes confident, independent, or insecure and he can LIE. But body language can tell you a lot more about a person than walking up to a guy and talking to him can

Now if you are in any situation and you see a guy who doesnt make eye contact,walks in a slouchd position, makes excuses for his actions , what does that tellyou aboiut him? Would you be attracted to him?

But if youre a guy and you want to ATTRACT women, what would you have to do?

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As for kids...that's something we'll have to work out at a later time. [. . .]

I haven't specifically told her that I will tell our kids my real opinion, but I don't think I have to b/c I'm pretty sure that's what she expects me to do...

If you want my opinion, you're treating the issue of having and raising children MUCH too casually.

In another thread, you said that there was some concern recently that your girlfriend could be pregnant — which you said would be fine with you, since you intend to marry and have children with her anyway. Yet the two of you are not even "officially" engaged, and she lives a thousand miles away in another state. (You're also only 22 years old; extremely young to be thinking about making such epochal decisions as marriage and becoming a father.)

I will explain that mommy and I don't see things the same way. But I don't see that as "undercutting" mommy. No set of parents ever agrees on everything.

True enough that no two parents will agree on everything. But as much as possible, parents need to present a "united front" to their children. This is a major problem in divorced families: when the children stay at one parent's house, they often live under a different set of rules and responsibilities than when at the other's. Consistency is critical with kids; it's essential to a child's developing sense of living in a rational universe.

It's bad enough when parents differ over issues such as eating habits or which TV shows are appropriate — it's another thing entirely when Mom and Dad hold radically different views of the universe and of man's place in it. This is no mere "mixed faith" marriage you propose: this is an attempt to combine faith and reason (more or less) under one roof. The mysteries of religion are incomprehensible to grown adults, let alone to a developing child, let alone one whose mother drags with her to church while Dad plays golf every Sunday morning.

You say you want to teach your children "the importance of making up their own minds," and that you don't intend to undercut your wife's influence. But you can't expect young children to critically evaluate religious teachings and accept or reject them based on reasoned conclusion. Not only that, but you're blanking out the fact that the essence of religion is faith, which is the opposite of reason — which means the opposite of making up your own mind — which means that your wife's religious dogma and example will certainly undercut any positive influence you may have to offer.

Suppose, though, that eventually your kids do start thinking for themselves, and figure out that everything Mom has been feeding them all these years is a load of hooey. What do you expect they'll think of you at that point? Might they start to wonder why dear old Dad stood by idly while Mom was indoctrinating them about the fires of Hell and the wonders of Original Sin? Might they begin to view their father as a spineless, mush-minded, pragmatic jerk — and might they be right?

All of this is really quite academic, though, since you're not married, not engaged, and haven't even discussed the issue with your wife-to-be-to-be, nor do you intend to anytime soon. Why not? What are you afraid of? Could it be that these plans of marriage and children have much more reality for you right now than for her?

There are a number of gigantic red flags you've mentioned in your posts which indicate that this is not exactly a relationship headed for matrimonial bliss. But at the very least, you need to make sure you're on the same page with your girl about absolutely everything before you even consider tying the the knot with her. You can't wait until "later" to discuss how you're going to raise your kids, nor can you just assume that she'll go along with whatever you want — especially not when you're having pregnancy scares and her religion forbids abortion. (Come to think of it, doesn't Catholicism also forbid premarital s... — eh, never mind.)

Then again, when you get involved with a person who in your own words is not exactly rational, you shouldn't expect too much continuity from one day to the next. Being spontaneous in a relationship is great — but I have a feeling, given the way you've described this girl and the problems you've already had with her, that there may be some very unpleasant surprises in store for you down the road.

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