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Okay, my girlfriend has a major jealousy problem.  I mean...it's so bad to the point that she started bawling a little while ago at the thought of me going to a movie with a girl I used to like, who also happens to be a good friend.  Suggestions?

Why didnt you invite her?

Anyways, don't let her have any control over what you do...ever.

Keep your composure nomatter how crazy she gets, always stay calm and just lean back . Think hard before you say anything, dont make excuses.

Women like to test men to see if you are weak and will give in, so this could be a test. All women test you, and they will test you for as long as you are with them, FOREVER.

But of course i could be wrong and she could just be an insecure mess.

If thats the case, then i would advise a therapist or heavy doses of midol.

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I didn't invite her, b/c she lives in Ohio and I live in Texas. And I'm not worried about her trying to control me. She would never forbid me to see her or anything. But I made my own decision to not hang out with her, because I don't like seeing my girlfriend upset. I can understand why the situation bothers her, but I do think she takes it a bit far. She's on her period, so that certainly doesn't help. But she still has a major jealousy problem, no matter what time of the month it is. She trusts me, so I know it isn't that...she was in a really bad and controlling relationship for a while, that ended about a year ago, so I think she's still got some leftover issues. I just want to know if there's any good way to reduce jealousy.

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I didn't invite her, b/c she lives in Ohio and I live in Texas.  And I'm not worried about her trying to control me.  She would never forbid me to see her or anything.  But I made my own decision to not hang out with her, because I don't like seeing my girlfriend upset.  I can understand why the situation bothers her, but I do think she takes it a bit far.  She's on her period, so that certainly doesn't help.  But she still has a major jealousy problem, no matter what time of the month it is.  She trusts me, so I know it isn't that...she was in a really bad and controlling relationship for a while, that ended about a year ago, so I think she's still got some leftover issues.  I just want to know if there's any good way to reduce jealousy.

I think you should just not worry about it, let it happen. Its her problem NOT yours.

But I made my own decision to not hang out with her, because I don't like seeing my girlfriend upset. 

You shouldnt do that, go out with your firends have fun and dont worry.

If you havent given her any reason not to trust you then her fear is unfounded and irrational. Plus if you do what you want i think she will respect you more.

This is a good website about love and relationships, you should read these two articles about jealousy

http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/75.htm

http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/85.htm

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Well, in all honesty, choosing to not hang out with her is not a big deal. I hardly ever talk to her anyway. I'm not looking for advice on what to do about my friend...I just want to find ways to make my gf less jealous. She does stuff like this frequently. For instance, she doesn't like the fact that I have Pink Floyd's Back Catalogue hanging on my wall.

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Well, in all honesty, choosing to not hang out with her is not a big deal.  I hardly ever talk to her anyway.  I'm not looking for advice on what to do about my friend...I just want to find ways to make my gf less jealous. 

It doesnt matter if its not a big deal or is a big deal, dont stop seeing your friend because of your girlfriend.

Its not possible to make her less jealous, its HER irrationality. She has to change the ideas she has in her head, you cant do anything about it.

She does stuff like this frequently.  For instance, she doesn't like the fact that I have Pink Floyd's Back Catalogue hanging on my wall.

And what do you do when she does stuff like this?

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Well, it doesn't really "upset" her, so I leave it up. She wishes I didn't have it, but she wouldn't ever tell me to take it down. Even so, it's not like I'm cutting all ties with my friend. I just need some time to make my g/f feel a little more comfortable with the idea. I'm in a groomsman at a wedding this summer, where I will most likely have to walk down the aisle with this girl, so I need to make her more comfortable. I realize that I cannot make her jealousy go away, but I was thinking I might be able to help her overcome it, herself.

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Well, it doesn't really "upset" her, so I leave it up. She wishes I didn't have it, but she wouldn't ever tell me to take it down.

Off topic a little, if it did upset her, would you to take it down?

Even so, it's not like I'm cutting all ties with my friend. I just need some time to make my g/f feel a little more comfortable with the idea. I'm in a groomsman at a wedding this summer, where I will most likely have to walk down the aisle with this girl, so I need to make her more comfortable. I realize that I cannot make her jealousy go away, but I was thinking I might be able to help her overcome it, herself.

You havent given her a reason to think that you would betray her. So in my opinion, the best thing to do is to keep NOT giving her a reason and to establish trust. But that takes time.

And also I would try to talk to her and tell her that you are not her former boyfriend, and that she has no reason to think that you would do what they did.

These links may help you also..

http://drkenner.com/emotions.htm

http://drkenner.com/emotions2.htm

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I'll read those articles when I get a chance...thanks for the advice.  If it upset her...I would probably have put off buying the poster for a little while, until I was able to help her chill out a little bit.

Hey, no problem. But If there is ONE thing that I would recommend for you to do is to go to this website.

http://doubleyourdating.com/

The tittle is "double your dating", but its really more than just dating, It can help you with relationships too.

Sign up for the newsletter and everyweek you will get incredible ideas, read them.

I know you probably wont do it, but if you do do it, you can thank me later.

The key is to read them consistently, even if you think they dont apply to you. It will help you with dating,relationships and even marriage.

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Women like to test men to see if you are weak and will give in, so this could be a test. All women test you, and they will test you for as long as you are with them, FOREVER.

Are you referring to 'women' in general? or all women? I never test my husband's weakness (for I know he does not have any). I think you should classify your 'women' as to being an irrational or rational one.

Hint: Reasoning is impossible with irrational women.

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Zoso,

You wrote: "Yeah, my g/f isn't exactly what I'd call rational, but I wouldn't call her irrational either...but I love her either way."

How rational is that? Are you saying that you would still love her if she believed that UFOs impregnated her, or that Elvis is still alive?

To be perfectly frank, it doesn't sound as if your girlfriend has really matured. You said she was Catholic, but doesn't know much about it and hasn't bothered to find out. You have mentioned that you're going to be married: what happens when you're in your thirties and have kids, and suddenly she decides to look into her faith now that the children are born? Don't write that off---that happens to a LOT of couples: religion suddenly matters when kids come into the picture. I know you're looking for a different kind of advice, but I'll offer this anyway: she needs to know what she thinks and why. Perhaps you could encourage her to examine her ideas. Peter Kreeft is a very good apologist for Christianity---I would recommend him, because she should look at the best arguments for what she believes, and contrast those with the best arguments against, and make a decision. Then at least you know what you are dealing with. If she is encouraged to look at what she believes via the use of reason, that may "trickle down", so to speak, and help her emotional state in other areas.

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If she believed that UFOs had impregnated her, I never would have given her the time of day required to fall in love with her. If she suddenly became delusional, I would try to get her some psychiatric help and hope that she gets better, because I am already in love with her. As for her faith...she believes in Christianity; she just isn't sure that she believes in Catholocism. Personally, if she sticks with Christianity, I would prefer her to be a Protestant, but I suppose it's up to her. As for kids...that's something we'll have to work out at a later time. My stance right now is that I will not prevent her from raising them as Christians, so long as we stress to them the importance of making up their own minds, regarding what they believe.

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Szheesh, why would you prefer her to be a Protestant?! At least Thomistic Catholicism believes in the compatibility of faith and reason, and believes that the existence of God can be ascertained by reason alone. (The originator of the Big Bang theory was a Catholic priest, by the way) I'd rather someone be a follower and admirerer of the logic of Aquinas than swim in Protestantism, which is the home of relativism---30,000 + versions of "truth" and still counting.

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Are you referring to 'women' in general? or all women? I never test my husband's weakness (for I know he does not have any).  I think you should classify your 'women' as to being an irrational or rational one.

Hint: Reasoning is impossible with irrational women.

What I ment is that woman like to test men to see if they have the qualities that they want. For example, if youre at a bar and you make eye contact with a guy and he looks away, thats was a test. It may be to check if hes insecure or is confident, but if he looked away, he failed the test.

There are many more tests, but thats just one.

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Szheesh, why would you prefer her to be a Protestant?! At least Thomistic Catholicism believes in the compatibility of faith and reason, and believes that the existence of God can be ascertained by reason alone. (The originator of the Big Bang theory was a Catholic priest, by the way)  I'd rather someone be a follower and admirerer of the logic of Aquinas than swim in Protestantism, which is the home of relativism---30,000 + versions of "truth" and still counting.

Partly because I despise the Catholic church far worse than I despise any of the Protestant churches, because of its history...but mainly b/c my parents are Protestant and my father despises the Catholic church worse than I do. They know she's Catholic and they haven't said anything bad about her, but they'd be more comfortable if she were Protestant.

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So, it really doesn't have anything to do with reason, but with feelings and upbringing. Personally, I wouldn't touch Protestantism with a ten-foot pole (having been one), as its inherent relativism is destructive to reason. Nor have I found much in Catholic history that hasn't been done in Protestant history, though Protestants have only been around for 500 years and so have some catching up to do.

Personally, I think you've got bigger problems than an irrational girlfriend. How old are you, by the way?

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So, it really doesn't have anything to do with reason, but with feelings and upbringing. Personally, I wouldn't touch Protestantism with a ten-foot pole (having been one), as its inherent relativism is destructive to reason. Nor have I found much in Catholic history that hasn't been done in Protestant history, though Protestants have only been around for 500 years and so have some catching up to do. 

Personally, I think you've got bigger problems than an irrational girlfriend. How old are you, by the way?

I'm 22...and I find nothing about Catholicism to make me think that it's more rational than Protestantism.

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Good heavens, then you haven't looked. Have you read Aquinas? There is simply no equivalent of Aquinas in Protestantism. Take a look at the magazine "First Things", which is an intellectual magazine that features writers from different religious backgrounds on a variety of topics: the intellectuals featured largely tend to be Orthodox Jews and Catholics.

Again, Protestantism is inherently relativistic. Because of its doctrine of personal interpretation, there are 30,000+ different versions of "truth" in its 30,000+ denominations. Say what you want about Catholicism, but at least it has a standard that is not circular: the Protestant will say that their "standard" is the Bible. When asked why, they will say "because it's the inspired word of God". If you then ask them how they know that, they will say "because the Bible says so". Circular thinking...it's "logic" like that that made me leave Protestantism forever. The Catholic argument for the "inspiration" of the Bible, regardless of whether one agrees with it or not, is at least not a circular argument.

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I glanced at this web site and it looks interesting.  But I don't see much there about the author.  Can you provide any background on the site?

I found that site a long time ago, but i cant remember where. Robert Tracy has a link to it, so maybe I discoverd it there.

The author is married to the creator of this website bodyinmind.com, I think youmay know it.

This is an interview of her husband on egoist.blogspot.com/

EGO: Please tell us about Leanne's web site – And They Lived Happily Ever After.

Bell: On her site, Leanne makes a lifelong romantic relationship with the person of your dreams possible to everyone, simply by identifying and relating the objective principles on which human romantic love is based. She brings marriage under the umbrella of Reason, and makes it accessible, rational, and successful.

EGO: Have you read Human Relationships in Plain English by Dr. Michael Hurd? Have you listened to Dr. Ellen Kenner's lecture, Preserving & Strengthening Your Romantic Partnership?

Bell: No. Sorry. Should I? [Editor: Yes! :)]EGO: What are your plans for the future?

Bell: I want to turn And They Lived Happily Ever After into a money-making venture. Leanne helps scores of people every month find solutions to their romantic problems, but she never sees a penny for it! That will change shortly.

http://egoist.blogspot.com/2004/04/intervi...wayne-bell.html

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