LoBagola Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 (edited) If I’m to live well, and thrive, I must recognize & acknowledge my errors and wrongs. When those errors and wrongs impact people, i.e., they are part of a social context, then that process of recognition & acknowledgement may become part of an apology. For example, if I say something hurtful to a friend and value the friendship then I’ll need to recognize and acknowledge what I’ve said and attempt to right the wrong by not saying or doing it again. But what about cases where I can’t right the wrong? Or cases where I don’t want to see that person again? I see value in the just the recognition and acknowledgement of my error or wrong, because I’ll carry that knowledge into all my other relationships, but is there value in an apology, i.e., in the reaching out to the person and telling them that I was wrong and why I was wrong? For example, a friend committed a wrong against me that led to me ending the relationship but also saying something hurtful in return. I don't plan on attempting to rebuild a friendship with this person again but I'm wondering if there's value in apologizing for the wrong that I committed? Also I still have some of the friend's property--but how about posting it to them despite never being asked for it back? I'm split in that I feel that I've acknowledged what I need to for myself and I've learned from it and anything else would be altruism, but also I feel there may be more to an apology then it just being for the sake of rebuilding a friendship, so I'm keen to think this over more and hear other's thoughts. Another example would be a friend I didn't stand up for (he was bullied) when I feel that I should've. With that friend I wish I could've acknowledged this much earlier as he's completely changed from someone who studied physics and programming to become an extremely religious person living in an isolated biblical community. I've acknowledged my errors personally, but I don't think there's a friendship to rebuild with him. Is there any gain to be had from an apology? Edited March 27, 2016 by LoBagola Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dream_weaver Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 5 hours ago, LoBagola said: Is there any gain to be had from an apology? This recent post aligns well with what you're asking here: On 3/22/2016 at 8:05 AM, Michael J. Hurd Ph.D. said: Everyone needs to operate on a sense of justice, i.e., sticking to, and honoring, the facts. “Was I wrong in what I said or did? Do the facts prove it? If so, I should acknowledge it.” An apology does just that. When you apologize, you’re saying: “I know I was wrong, and I regret it.” Encouraging others (or ourselves) to be meek and humble is no way to achieve justice. What matters is whether you’re right or wrong, according to the facts. The goal is not to be — or to be — sorry. The goal is to acknowledge the truth. So the gain would be your (and their) recognition/acknowledgement of the truth. Neo-Aristotelian 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindborg Posted July 5, 2017 Report Share Posted July 5, 2017 On 3/27/2016 at 11:54 PM, dream_weaver said: So the gain would be your (and their) recognition/acknowledgement of the truth. What you say is accurate, but I think the benefits of saying sorry are much bigger than what's being mentioned here. I find that when I say sorry on a frequent basis (and I make mistakes every single day), it inspires courage. I'm not afraid of being wrong, because I can trust myself to correct my mistakes. Because I know I'll make mistakes and can correct them, I can steam ahead and crash into walls and have the resiliency to get up very fast. I'm also not very worried about hurting people, because many times after I've hurt them and say sorry, the relationship to that person is actually improved. In other words, it's better to hurt them, acknowledge the mistake and fix it, then not taking any action at all. Saying sorry has so many benefits. Another is that the internal fear of being "discovered" goes away. "What if someone finds out" becomes a though of the past, and instead there comes the pride of "yes, I did this, and I stand by it, because I've corrected my mistake". So I'd say; make heaps of mistakes, learn from it, apologize, and go full throttle. Life is short, make the most of it. You cannot drive a formula 1 car with a lot of weights hanging behind it. Fix errors and move on. JASKN and Tenderlysharp 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easy Truth Posted September 29, 2017 Report Share Posted September 29, 2017 On 7/4/2017 at 7:01 PM, Mindborg said: Saying sorry has so many benefits. Another is that the internal fear of being "discovered" goes away. "What if someone finds out" becomes a though of the past, and instead there comes the pride of "yes, I did this, and I stand by it, because I've corrected my mistake". Yes, the fear of being discovered by others goes away which helps a lot. There is also, the disgust at oneself that can go away too. An apology is an indication of change due to knowledge. It helps to reset one's relationship with others and the world. In some cases, an apology has to be accompanied with a promise not to do it again. Sometimes it even requires more. An attempt to fix what was broken. Like "I am sorry I broke your window, I will have it fixed and I assure I won't play ball in your area anymore". Assuming it is carried through. one is not looked at with suspicion and trade and betterment of life is maximized. Finally, there is the issue of psychological visibility, being seen as you are and not a hateful entity. It is with an apology that one removes the ugliness that others were seeing. It opens the door for both people, the one apologizing and the one accepting it. DonAthos 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindborg Posted November 23, 2017 Report Share Posted November 23, 2017 On 9/29/2017 at 10:43 PM, Easy Truth said: It is with an apology that one removes the ugliness that others were seeing. Good way to put it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyrodriguez Posted January 15, 2018 Report Share Posted January 15, 2018 Maintaining a good relationship is not at all easy, you need to understand the differences and need to respect them. We make mistakes, sometimes we hurt people without recognizing it. If the person is important, one should not stay back and ask for an apology and if you close one is guilty you should make an effort to forget mistakes, one can get more tips to maintain good relationship from voyance pure. Always be positive because positive vibes attract positivity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenderlysharp Posted April 13, 2018 Report Share Posted April 13, 2018 A relationship that can recover from a struggle will be stronger for it. There is an art to genuine apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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