Reblogged:Counter-Triggers

[Gus Van Horn blog]

Or: Helping Yourself Remember When a Problem Is 'Nice to Have'

Carolyn Hax recently took a break from answering her readers' tough questions to hit a softball out of the park. (Scroll down or search for straight face.) Her answer caused me to laugh when I read it, and I was glad to have bookmarked it.

I think we should all take a moment to enjoy her answer to the minor dilemma of a new parent facing a mother-in-law's a weird substitute for Grandma as the name/title she wants her grandchild to use:

Image by BilliTheCat, via Pixabay, license.

I just scrolled through about 15 questions based on world events I can't fix, so please know that has enormous bearing on the answer I'm about to give:

Embrace the bats---- awesomeness of this with all your might, and call them exactly what they want. Your daughter will then mangle it her own way and make it even better. Don't even think of ruining this gift with eye-rolls. Wrap it in a chartreuse feather boa and toast it with something that comes with an umbrella in it. [bold added]

I ran into the bookmark this morning and laughed again.

But I also realized it could be useful -- as a memorable example of the power of keeping perspective, or of getting perspective from others.

Since I have kids and some loony relatives (although not the problem under discussion), I can relate -- so much so that the next time I see the folks this reminds me of, it's probably going to bubble up into my consciousness.

This is great, because I don't want to let the pet peeves these relatives set off sour my mood, as I have sometimes in the past.

That's great, Gus, but I don't have kids or loony relatives. What's your point?

It occurred to me after my chuckle that it could be useful to keep an eye out for similar advice. It needn't always be funny, but if it's memorable enough, it could serve as a prod to keep perspective in situations in which I am distracted or otherwise apt to be off-guard.

I don't have any great insight as to how to make finding this kind of thing more likely, but I think it could be useful to realize that This reminds me of so-and-so. or That's just like having to meet with Mr. Umptysquat about project specs. can be a cue that you have found such a prod.

This is a new idea to me, although I doubt it hasn't been had before. I'll remember it by the title of this post: If something triggers me in a way I don't want it to, perhaps a counter-trigger can be a way to quickly regain my balance, or to keep that from happening in the first place.

I'm no psychologist, and I don't recommend this if it means repressing emotions about serious issues. (It could perhaps remind one to seek advice for a serious issue.) But as a way of getting over a hump about something that isn't worth becoming annoyed about, I think it's worth a try.

-- CAV

Link to Original