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Ten Things Every Single Man Must Own.

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Howdy All,

Apologies ahead of time if I have posted this incorrectly, and moderators please fell free to move this post, if need be.

I am somewhat of a shy and reserved guy, and as such I have a difficult time with dating. So being an information geek, I have been doing some research on the internet for ideas, and information pertaining to the subject. I came across the following article.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?arti...544657&menuid=7

I thought you all might get a laugh or something from my responses to the article. I suppose I could post them on some other forum, but I feel that the denizens of this one are more closely attuned to my philosophy, and world view. So feel free to laugh.

Here are my responses, in order of the topics raised in the article:

1. Good Coffee Maker. I got this on licked as I am a coffee fiend. I am not a caffeine fiend mind you. I grind my own beans at a ratio of 1/3 caffeinated to 2/3 decaffeinated. I measure them, grind them, and brew through a wire coffee filter. For those of you who are coffee aficionados, you know this gives the best flavor. Aside from a French press that is, which I have one of those as well.

2. Lamp in the Bedroom. Of course I have a lamp, how else can I while away my insomniac hours reading good writing, before sliding off to slumber’s call?

3. Swiffer? In the common parlance. Nigga please! I keep my living space clean. I mean hell you may not be able to eat off my floors, but I would not complain if emergency surgery was done on them. Really, who lets their floors get that gunky?

4. Comfy Couch? Who buys an uncomfortable couch? When I get a new couch, my first prerequisite is can I sleep on it. If it comfortable enough for that what more does one need? $1000 please. In my opinion if a couch costs $1000 it has a steering wheel, and gets decent gas mileage.

5. Nice Underwear. Ok, this may be too much information, but I gave up the underwear habit years ago. Since I have a pretty good understanding of basic defecating hygiene this has not been a problem for me. So why spend good money for a layer of clothing that has little value. Having said that I have a nice set of capilene, 100 wt fleece, and poly-pro long johns for inclement weather. I even have a set of poly-pros cut off to wear under my shorts until it gets cold enough for my knees to get frost bit.

6. Swiss-Army type key ring. Actually I wear my Leatherman Micra on a cord around my neck. So I guess my MacGyver type antics are covered.

7. $150 Jeans. Ok, so I might spend $50 on a pair of nice slacks to be worn on special dress up occasions, but I ain’t dropping that much on a pair of jeans. In fact I quit buying jeans when Levis went over $30 a pair. (That and I found out that they were giving money to the Brady Anti-Self defense people.) Besides, I very rarely wear jeans anyway. Remember cotton kills. Just don’t tell any of my Confederate ancestors I said that, or they will be spinning.

8. $200 Dress Shoes. Ok, so my 15 year old wing tips got to go, but what is wrong with my $60 hush puppies? I mean they hold a mean shine, and are comfy as hell. The only time I even come close to wearing $200 shoes is when I wear my Montrail hikers, and they only cost me $175. I know good shoes, I used to sell them, and I know one does not have to bleed nasally to buy good ones.

9. 300 thread count sheets. To be honest this one completely escapes me. Perhaps I am too Neanderthal, but jesus h. “jumping” christ that sh*t is damn expensive. Besides I only use a futon cover, a comforter, throw blankets, and a quilt. Depending on the weather.

10. The Joy of Cooking. I got this one whipped standing on my head. I can whip up a chili, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, spaghetti, omelets, or stir fry. I can even do it in vegetarian or omnivorian. Not to mention I can bake, cakes, cookies, breads, pies. Sh*t I can even make brioche.

I know this is not the usual line of comment, or commentary that appears on this site. I just figure if I was going to post something to the internet, y’all O’ist types would be the ones that would appreciate it the most.

F*ck Michigan

Go Bucks

Rob

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I don't think that I would characterize a person who had that for a top ten list as a man.

Sure, some of them are nice, but essential?

In fact all those seem quite...metrosexual to me.

How about a gun? A well stocked library? Maybe a computer to run your own business on. A dog? A decent set of tools? I guess the obvious answer is himself, but I can see why that would might be seen as cheating.

[edit] I would take a good bed way before a good couch too [/edit]

Edited by Scott_Connery
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I don't think that I would characterize a person who had that for a top ten list as a man.

Sure, some of them are nice, but essential?

In fact all those seem quite...metrosexual to me.

How about a gun? A well stocked library? Maybe a computer to run your own business on. A dog? A decent set of tools? I guess the obvious answer is himself, but I can see why that would might be seen as cheating.

[edit] I would take a good bed way before a good couch too [/edit]

You know you are right. Aside from the dog, I don't own enough land, (or any for that matter), to allow a real dog to have enough room to run. I don't run my own business, but my computer sure as hell could. I do own enough guns, (and have the training.), to make myself dangerous, and my tools though not myriad, are enough to do what needs doing around the house. As for my library, it is large but focused. Any questions on the War Between the States, I can answer in depth. The rest of my library is pretty eclectic.

You are also right in the comments on metro sexual. I would rather cut my balls off, and call myself a eunuch than fall into the category of metro sexual.

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Hmmm. Some input from the opposite sex:

This article is anything but silly, gentlemen. It's about 10 things single men should own IF they want to have a lady in their life, not things they should just own for the heck of it. Frankly, I agree with all items except 7 and 8, since I'm not into fashion. But everything else on the list is a great idea from a woman's standpoint, I can assure you.

Now, see MSN's dating and personals top ten list for WOMEN. That is even sillier. Check it out:

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?arti...544657%3E1=6657

Edited by Liriodendron Tulipifera
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Now, see MSN's dating and personals top ten list for WOMEN. That is even sillier. Check it out:

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?arti...544657%3E1=6657

lol, Liri, we guys think our list is silly, while you think it's good advice, and you think your list is silly, but I think it's great! The exceptions are the Eminem CD (EW! I'd be much more impressed if she owned The Ramones, Duran Duran, or The Hives, ooh or Sinatra but I do shuffle through the music collection first thing :) ), and the pick-up line (hey, that's my job!).

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lol, Liri, we guys think our list is silly, while you think it's good advice, and you think your list is silly, but I think it's great!

I knew someone would say that! Bah to you!

The guys' list is good for anyone, barring the fashion advice. Even I own a Leatherman... far superior to a Swiss army knife, as any owner can attest. After all, how can a tool of the American woodsman be outdone by a tool of the.... Swiss?.... army....? (Didn't know such a thing existed.)

But the woman's list just seems really silly. Especially items 7, 9, and 10. Geeze, how loose do these article writers think the average American woman is? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned and out of touch...

Edited by Liriodendron Tulipifera
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But the woman's list just seems really silly. Especially items 7, 9, and 10. Geeze, how loose do these article writers think the average American woman is? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned and out of touch...

Both lists are pretty ridiculous. If you are going to judge me by the thread count of my sheets, get out of my house. Not interested. If you try to impress me with an Eminem CD, a business card, and beer, not interested. If you have a pile of condoms on your night stand, adios.

The male list does have a point about decent clothes (I'd stop well short of $150 jeans and $200 shoes, though) and a clean house but that's just general advice, really.

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Every single man should have at least one horribly tacky piece of furniture or decoration ... lime green recliner, mounted animal head, beer mirror, neon beer sign, neon beer mirror, velvet Elvis tapestry, Dogs Playing Poker, giant cable-spool coffee table, cinder-block entertainment center, etc. ... of which a future wife will say, "That's not going in my house! Put it in the garage!"

(And yes, for me, it is the Elvis tapestry, thankyavurmuch ...) :P

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Every single man should have at least one horribly tacky piece of furniture or decoration ... lime green recliner, mounted animal head, beer mirror, neon beer sign, neon beer mirror, velvet Elvis tapestry, Dogs Playing Poker, giant cable-spool coffee table, cinder-block entertainment center, etc. ... of which a future wife will say, "That's not going in my house! Put it in the garage!"

(And yes, for me, it is the Elvis tapestry, thankyavurmuch ...) :thumbsup:

Half the stuff that my wife won't let me put it SHE GAVE ME (when we were dating of course, but apparently that changes with marriage). Can't have my blow up Packers coffee table out, my 1996 Super Bowl Packers team poster up. I really think these would improve the quality of the house. She says I can use them in the basement (which is unfinished, despite my efforts to make a music studio out of it.).

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Every single man should have at least one horribly tacky piece of furniture or decoration ... lime green recliner, mounted animal head, beer mirror, neon beer sign, neon beer mirror, velvet Elvis tapestry, Dogs Playing Poker, giant cable-spool coffee table, cinder-block entertainment center, etc. ... of which a future wife will say, "That's not going in my house! Put it in the garage!"

(And yes, for me, it is the Elvis tapestry, thankyavurmuch ...) :)

I've never thought of it, but cinder block furnishings? That sounds like a great idea, you don't think that a smart man with some tools could make something really sexy out of cinder blocks? I've seen concrete furniture (with thin coushions) and loved it. cinder blocks seem to be the next extension.

hmmm.

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Hey everybody, I just wrote a spoof of this article for my school newspaper, although the advice is serious. Here it is:

Ten Things Every Single Man Must Own

A while back, I read an article entitled, “Ten Things Every Single Man Must Own.” This article, obviously written by a metrosexual, was littered with recommendations that would confuse any real man, such as 200 dollar dress shoes, 300 thread count sheets, and an expensive coffee maker. But if you’re looking for a girl who will like you for more than just your fashion sense, expensive bedding, and kitchen appliances, then you should take my advice instead.

1. A Gun

It’s well documented that girls don’t want to be around guns, but since when did a girl ever know what she wanted? When your girlfriend’s self-defense classes fail to hurt a mugger three times her size, she’ll thank you for taking after all those Dirty Harry movies.

2. A Snowboard/Skis

Men live relatively cushy lives nowadays, and rarely is death an imminent threat. But, being in this state of heightened awareness is a great way to tap in to the maleness within. Snow sports are a favorite of mine, but surfing, skydiving, and binge drinking are other great choices.

3. Tools

Every guy needs to learn how to fix things. It doesn’t matter if you can afford to pay others to fix your household or automotive mishaps, you still need to learn; it’s called being a man. I understand that tools are expensive, so start small, and then build the collection throughout your years of ruggedness.

4. An Iron

Okay, this was a test. If you saw, “An Iron” and thought about your collection of dress shirts, then you are probably a lost soul in a world of female dominance, and you will not understand this article. But for those men who still watch John Wayne movies, you knew I was referring to an iron for cooking eggs and bacon.

5. Books

If you’re a real man, then women are important to you, but not as important as your own life. Surround yourself with books that deal with topics you find interesting. For instance, if you want to be an engineer, then read everything you can get your hands on about engineering. It’s also important to have a miscellaneous subject which you are teaching to yourself, like female anatomy. A few books on manhood wouldn’t hurt, either.

6. A Chair

If you want to be a man, then get prepared to do a lot of thinking. And if you have a girlfriend, sometimes you will need to do thinking for two, because girls openly despise heavy thought. So find a comfortable chair in which you won’t mind spending a few motionless hours with your chin resting on your fist.

7. A Weight Set

Buy weights or join a gym, and start working out. And I’m not talking about Pilates so you can get “tone” and “lean.” Save beauty for the females; they’re better at it anyway. You’re a man, so you should not only be mentally strong, but physically strong as well.

8. Hard Rock Albums

Most current music is nothing short of emasculating. We can’t turn on the radio or MTV without hearing some guy cry about how his girlfriend left him. Very little conveys that it’s okay to be a man more than a real rock band belting out verses about lesbians and drugs, and using ridiculous guitar solos as filler. My favorites include Guns N’ Roses, AC/DC, and Twisted Sister.

9. A Chess Board

Chess isn’t just for guys with greasy skin and coke-bottle glasses. Chess is for any man who wishes to incorporate many masculine entities s at once, such as logic, competition, and dominance.

10. An Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie

His politics and acting ability aside, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a man through and through; an image he conveys very will on the silver screen. My favorite Schwarzenegger flicks include Predator, Commando, and, Last Action Hero.

For any more advice on manhood, Mark Derian can be reached at [email protected]

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. . . can be reached at [email protected]

OSU? Like, Ohio State University OSU?

Anyway, I thought your spoof was great. Personally, I'd say that if you're single and looking to find a mate, it couldn't hurt to have a car, a job, and a queen-sized bed.

As for books about maleness, I recommend this one.

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I own three leatherman tools. I have a Crunch and an old wave (doesn't have interchangeable screwdrivers and such) that I carry on my belt all the time, because there have been many times that I have needed two pairs of pliers. I also have a PST II that I used to carry before I got the wave.

I would add to your list: a pocket knife, preferably one of those folding utility knives like the ones Sheffield makes, and a knife sharpener (with knowledge of how to use it).

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