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How does one cope with a disability?

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F*ckCommunism

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Having recently been physically disabled, I am now forced to ponder my actual ability to be a productive part of this society... I am now forced to rely on a government cheque to live month to month... fortunately, I am able to utilize government programs to get thru school, so that I will be able to be a contributing member of society...

I find it hard to reconcile myself to my current state... I have to rely on others for my income, and the only thing I can use to assuage my guilt is the fact that I have been paying into the Canadian system my whole working life...

What are your views? Anyone else who has had to reconcile themselves to a physical handicap? What of your views on the mentally disabled?

Thanks!

Edited by GreedyCapitalist
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i find it hard to reconcile myself to my current state... I have to rely on others for my income, and the only thing I can use to assuage my guilt is the fact that I have been paying into the Canadian system my whole working life...

I am sure this must be a very difficult position to suddenly find yourself in, and undoubtedly there are a great deal of intellectual and emotional adjustments to be made. But, try not to add a sense of unearned guilt to the real problems. Based on all that you said you want to make the very most of what you have, and that is an admirable approach. The person who would deserve to feel guilty is the one who would capitalize on his handicap to feel the world owes him something and no more effort on his part is required.

Take advantage of whatever educational support you can get and look forward to the day when you can again be more self-reliant. Don't feel guilty about getting back some of what you already earned. As Ayn Rand once pointed out, the usual notion of charity implies one who does not really deserve help, and help is given precisely because it has not been earned. The reverse is true -- you give help because of the value already earned.

I wish you well, with success.

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That is good advice. The fact that you still have ambition for your future should be enough to show the world (and yourself) that you are not a moocher by any means.

Remember also that it is your mind that makes you productive, every bit as much as your body. Keep on with your schooling and you'll be able to make a substantial contribution to the world if you want to.

Cheers!

d_s

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I probably can help here. I am an invalid. My problems didn't come on suddenly, but as a result of a slow degeneration that has affected me not only physically, but mentally as well. I've learned to live with the gross restrictions caused by the physical side, but the aspects of my illness that pretty nearly obliterates my ability to focus for any length of time are more difficult to contend with. Because of this situation, I have become a hermit, unwilling to impose myself on the outside world. I live by the love and generousity of my husband, but just because I'm not forced (as yet) to depend on the government for my care doesn't mean that being non-productive hasn't been my greatest burden. It's taken me a long time to learn to live with that. I think it is especially difficult because I am an Objectivist. I am unable to attain the very virtues that I hold most sacred: productivity, independence, etc. I've had to settle for a sort of shortened definition of those virtues by endeavouring to be as intellectually productive as possible, ie., to never flag or become discouraged in my pursuit of knowledge and understanding. As for independence, I manage to maintain an independent mind. When one is unable to act on what one knows, however, it is psychologically damaging and very difficult to overcome. I've struggled intellectually with this problem for a long time; attaining the emotional life that goes along with the intellectual, however, is very difficult and requires constant conscious reminders. I have to fight the chemical assaualt on my ability to reason and this is an activity that is both time consuming and energy draining. My reward is a life worth living, for all of its restrictions.

Guilt is a prominent psychological aspect of illness, especially a chronic illness, and one of the most difficult to combat. Stephen is point-on about the dangers of excepting unearned guilt. It is one of the most self-defeating indulgences a person can perpetrate; I've very experienced in this. It is the one thing I would caution against the most. It is vicious stuff, capable of killing your soul.

My advice if that you concentrate on the reality you are dealing with. By that I mean finding solutions to the problems you face. Do whatever you must to make yourself as physically strong as possible, and keep yourself that way. You still have your mind. These days, one needn't be physically whole to be productive. There are multiple avenues open to you, more roads than have ever existed before in all of man's history. There is nothing to stop you but your own outlook. Believe me, time given over to being depressed about things over which you have no control is a degrading waste of precious time, time better spent in the pursuit of your goals. It takes an enormous amount of work, but life takes an enourmous amount of work, handicapped or no. I'm not saying that the depression you may be experiencing isn't valid. I'm just saying that the best way to resolve it is to work at making your life satisfying to you. The more you accomplish in this direction, the better off you'll be.

I apologize for the presumption here. I know I've offered unsolicited advice. I know you only asked about excepting government help. I know I may have exposed myself only to insult you, rather than help. If the advice isn't needed, I'm very happy for you. If it is, I hope it helps. I'll take my presumption further: if you want to talk about it, feel free to e-mail me. Either way, I wish you good luck and send you my best.

Janet

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  • 3 weeks later...
Having recently been physically disabled, I am now forced to ponder my actual ability to be a productive part of this society... I am now forced to rely on a government cheque to live month to month...

You still pay taxes with that money, yes? So, technically speaking, it's YOUR money and it's getting dumped right back into the government's coffers, one way or another.

fortunately, I am able to utilize government programs to get thru school, so that I will be able to be a contributing member of society...
You buy goods from local merchants, yes? You are contributing.

I find it hard to reconcile myself to my current state... I have to rely on others for my income, and the only thing I can use to assuage my guilt is the fact that I have been paying into the Canadian system my whole working life...

If those others choose to help you, you have nothing to be guilty for. And unless you were the one forcing them to help you (by way of government imposed taxes) you have nothing to feel guilty for on that account either..

What are your views? Anyone else who has had to reconcile themselves to a physical handicap? What of your views on the mentally disabled?Thanks!

My view is, don't run yourself down because of a disability. As my wife has said to a few narrow minded (but more or less able-bodied) people who have cast disparaging remarks her way: She may be physically disabled by nature, but theirs is a mental handicap by choice! :P

Just so you know, she has a neuro-muscular disease which leaves her almost completely physically disabled, with only a small amount of mobility in her arms and hands. Dispite that, she just graduated from college with a GPA of 3.92, inducted into the Honors Society Phi Theta Kappa and named to the National Dean's List. She obtained her AA degree as a Paralegal.

Yes, she needs a lot of physical support and assistance, and yes she lives on Social Security. So what? We're not the ones to blame for this system, but we will use it to full advantage since it has eliminated other options. We didn't make these laws, but we will hold these agencies to their stated missions.

Let me tell you about our 3 year fight with the Dept. of Rehab. In essence, their mission is to enable the disabled to become productive and independent by providing education and tools to form a new career. They receive grant money for this purpose. Their enabling laws state that they must provide telecommunications devices to qualified persons. My wife was evaluated and qualified for this. DoR balked when it came time to deliver. The argument dragged on and eventually proceeded to a Formal Hearing, at which DoR's counsellor stated in their Hearing Brief several lies, which we were about to expose. Amazingly, rather than have their lie exposed and ON RECORD, the director of that particular office decided to go off record and settle in our favor. DoR could have initially settled this matter by providing a $1000 laptop. After the Formal Hearing, they had to deliver a $6000 toughbook with Dragon Legal Suite (which costs $1000 by itself..) All because DoR wanted to quibble about a laptop versus a desktop computer (which cost very similarly, but the laptop would have been a better accomodation for my wife's situation and needs.)

The moral of the story: Push past the platitudes, persist, demand the rights these laws enable you to claim, and if they are not going to fulfill their mission, threaten to expose them as failures which should not be receiving grant monies! Very few people would have persisted in this type of case, which is the whole point of these bureacracies. They make glowing claims about how much they benefit people to justify receiving grant money, but in reality benefits for any individual are made a giant hurdle to obtain! You know where that grant money is going (into their agent's and subcontractors pockets!)

As far as my opinion of people with mental disabilities? It depends on the individual :)

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