steff Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 i dont know if im in the right forum, or whether anyone is going to have a clue what im on about. i have a younger sister who is out of control. she has teenage moodswings, which is completely normal, but they are completely overboard. she shows symptoms of ocd, aspergers syndrome and depression. she hates people eating in the same room as her because the sound annoys her, and other people in the house are not 'allowed' to have the tv on loud, or play music if there is something she wants to watch on the tv. she finds it hard to express her feelings and screams that she wishes we (me and my mum) were dead and to leaver her alone. she has acted this way scince she was born, and she never made eye contact as a baby. this is just a fraction of her behaviour, you have to be living with her to experience her full power over the household. please please get in touch if you know anyone who acts the same way, or how we can help her, or if you can think of any knind of disorder we have overlooked, im having a breakdown here! thank you xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blinky Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 I suggest some form of psychotherapy. I think that two forms of therapy are best - reality therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. I think that psychologist can help. But it presuppose that your sister have just a bit of motivation because you can´t force her to attend psychologist. You can do that in the case of psychiatrist but I don´t recommend doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steff Posted June 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 I suggest some form of psychotherapy. I think that two forms of therapy are best - reality therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. I think that psychologist can help. But it presuppose that your sister have just a bit of motivation because you can´t force her to attend psychologist. You can do that in the case of psychiatrist but I don´t recommend doing it. cheers, we tried but she wont go. me and my mum go see one occasionally but when she finds out she flips again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blinky Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 cheers, we tried but she wont go. me and my mum go see one occasionally but when she finds out she flips again. Well then there is another way how to solve it and the way is to try to do the "psychotherapy" alone. I can recommend you some book which you can read to understand how that works. Reality Therapy or Choice Theory by William Glasser Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders by Aaron T. Beck I think that one of them would be sufficient to know how to treat your sister. What you would have to do is pay some attention to her and put some effort into it but it can be worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 You may also want to try "How to live with a neurotic" by Albert Ellis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Akston Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 (edited) If she makes threats to your family then it becomes a legal issue and you can make a police report about it, after that you can take that to a mental institution and they will keep her there and study her until they determine if she is safe to live with your family. If it's not that serious then your mom needs to take control of the situation and convince her to take therapy sessions. I know you're saying she refuses to but it is possible to convince these people, believe me I've seen it done. Tell your mom to not give into her whims. She may throw a fit but eventually she'll get the idea that her parent is not falling for it. Edited June 21, 2006 by Hugh Akston Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miseleigh Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Although it's not right to initiate force against a rational human, it sounds as if she is not rational, and she is the initiator of force in this case. I would suggest at the very least having her diagnosed by a professional, and probably getting some form of treatment for her no matter how much she says she doesn't want it. She has no right to rule over your lives this way. You may be able to secure her a place in a mental institution without a police report- I don't know, never looked into that, but it sounds like that would be the best place for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blinky Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 (edited) I don´t know whether mental institution is the best for someone who wants to help his sister (but it depends on relationship with her). As far as I know the conditions in mental institutions are quite bad. What is really most harmful is that they can force you to take pills and have a treatment you don´t want and I don´t think this is a way to cure anybody. It rather worsen the situation. Edit: I wanted to start thread about biopsychyatry and mental institutions but I couldn´t have gathered enough time yet. Edited June 21, 2006 by Blinky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Akston Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Good point Blinky, but then again the family is obviously not trained to deal with a mentally unhealthy person either. She is also not cooperating to go to help sessions, so the problem will only get worse until they find some form of professional help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragnar Danneskjold Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 (edited) From what you said, it seems like she is in touch with reality but refuses to acknowledge particular things. You say that she was like this from birth? Can you figure out where it went from an infant crying and kicking (completely normal) to a kid who knows what she is doing? I am going to assume that she is perfectly normal and the problem is that she is a brat and controlling. One question I should ask is: Does she do this with other people? Does she act this way outside the house? Are there any difference in her behavior towards other people? The following are my thoughts - not backed up by any theory: She is either doing this because she feels hurt and finds this to be revenge, or she is doing this because she can get away with whatever she wants. It could be a combination of both. If her reactions are based on some sort of historic event, perhaps she was beat up, molested, continuously punished, treated badly in school (elsewhere), or something else happened to her and she does not now how to get it out in the open. She feels harmed, does not know how to deal with it, and is taking it out on everyone. If her reactions are because she feels she can get away wiht things by kicking and screaming. Perhaps your mother gave your sister leeway when she was an infant and continued doing so even when she began to "understand," perhaps she learned that kicking and screaming were her way to get things accomplished. If your mother continuously gave into her, then this would be accepting your sister as "master" and granting her control over the house. Perhaps this is the same with babysitters, and at school. Regardless of the reasons, I think to some extent she knows that what she is doing is wrong. I say this for the following reason. "me and my mum go see one occasionally but when she finds out she flips again." My thought is that she sees this as a threat to her control over you. At all costs she needs to dissuade you from seeking outside help. She thinks you are incapable of disciplining her and wants to keep it this way. From waht I have heard, it does not sound like some genetic defect (etc...). I also would hate to rush to incorrect conclusions. I would start with: "she is an unruly brat of a child." My response would be to stop giving in to her. If she is uncomfortable with a situation, she can go to a place that she will feel more comfortable in. The house is a commmunal place. Not hers. Her room is hers. She can go there and kick and scream on her own. Inform her of this. Do what you please in your house. If she beigins to whine, tell her she can do as much of that as she wants in her room or elsewhere. But in the communal areas/ public, she is to respect other peoples rights. If she wishes to be disrespectful, she can. But not near you. Do not pick her up or force her to her room. Do not say "GO to your room!" Instead say, if you wish to behave rationally, you can stay here. If not, you choose to go someplace where you won't be disrespecting others. (Note: I did not say her room. She can go anywhere else. saying her room makes her think of the room as punishment and she will hate being in there. However, that is not he point of a room and will counterract any attempts at progress). If she refuses to go, turn up the TV. Do the things YOU enjoy. If she starts kicking, pulling hair, pushing, etc... Then she has resorted to physical force and can be dealt with. I don't mean beating her whatsoever. I mean pick her up, and physically move her to another room (you may be bitten, deal with it for now - I don't know if its appropriate, but maybe bite her back? <-- Not hard at all, just to proove a point). Lock the door of the room you are in and don't allow her to be with you guys. She will still be annoying in the other room. I am sure she will make you hear her. But at least your time will be a little more relaxing. Eventually she will tire in the other rooms (I suggest removing anything that can be broken). If you do this, it must be consistent. The second you switch back to the old mode is the second she "wins." To her it will become a contest. I hope this helps. I would suggest running it by someone more qualified before trying it. Perhaps someone else could comment on my post? EDIT: If you think its acutally a disease, make sure its verified 100% and that its not just a pained/ frustrated/ bratty kid. The worst thing you can do is falsely blame it on a disease and treat her for it. This will kill her self esteem even more and will not address the problem. Its an avoidance method and an excuse for her behavior. Edited June 21, 2006 by Ragnar Danneskjold Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
159753 Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm fairly sure my 19 year old brother has aspergers. . .if that is the case with your sister, maybe we can hook them up A lot of the things you listed, steff, seem symptomatic of aspergers. Things like avoiding eye contact, difficulty expressing feelings, not empathetic, etc. are all characteristic of that mental disorder. How about a little more information though? What's her social life like? How old is she? Does she ever ask questions about your day, how it went, how you are, etc.? Does she have odd, highly repetitive habits, like twirling a coat hanger, or flapping her hand back and forth? Is she monomanically obsessed with anything? Does she routinely mimic the behaviors and facial expressions of others in an attempt to fit in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blinky Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Perhaps someone else could comment on my post? EDIT: If you think its acutally a disease, make sure its verified 100% and that its not just a pained/ frustrated/ bratty kid. The worst thing you can do is falsely blame it on a disease and treat her for it. This will kill her self esteem even more and will not address the problem. Its an avoidance method and an excuse for her behavior. I think that your ideas were wery good. I would treat her kindly but would be strict when necessary (i.e. when she do something that´s not good) - I think that this is basicaly what you (Ragnar) said. If that would be done for some time she would be maybe able to understand that she can´t do anything but still that you (Steff) and your mum like her. I absolutely agree with what is written in edit. It can really be harmful to treat her like being ill and not responsible for what she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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