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Sexual Desire and Rational Value

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Matthew J
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What does one do, when there appears to be a dichotomy between ones rational values and one's sexual desires? Is it possible that one can genuinely feel sexually attracted to women he finds morally repulsive? What should one do if this appears to be the case? How does one handle feelings of fear that he will treat women worthy of his respect with no honor, because he desires them sexually as well, and does not wish them to be "just another girl"?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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How does one handle feelings of fear that he will treat women worthy of his respect with no honor, because he desires them sexually as well, and does not wish them to be "just another girl"?

First, define this.

Why would one treat the woman one desires with "no honor" because one desires her?

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What does one do, when there appears to be a dichotomy between ones rational values and one's sexual desires?

One resolves the contradiction.

Is it possible that one can genuinely feel sexually attracted to women he finds morally repulsive? What should one do if this appears to be the case?

What's your pschology here? In what context are you attracted to morally repulsive women, and what do you end up doing? (nothing graphic please, just the facts) A little introspection will end up telling you a lot about what is going on. I doubt you (or any red blooded male) could avoid being physically attracted to a pretty woman, although if your mind and body and not split, then I always find the attraction severely lessens when the morally repulsive girl opens her mouth and removes all doubt.

How does one handle feelings of fear that he will treat women worthy of his respect with no honor, because he desires them sexually as well, and does not wish them to be "just another girl"?

I would expect if he's serious, then the actions he consciously decides on will be different with the woman he repects than "just the other girls..."

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The topic description begs a question ("apparent dichotomy"). Apparent to some specific person or as an absolute?

Keep in mind that sexual desire is deeply psychological and is not purely physical. Thus, if there is a dichotomy, then it is a contradiction within one's mind, and needs to be resolved.

The last two questions in the original post are not comprehensible to me.

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Are you speaking of a situation where you are extremely attracted to a woman and then, after finding out her character is morally reprehensible, find that you are still attracted?

It seems like this might be what you are referring to - and I think this is a pretty common experience. I've certainly been in this situation, and it can be very frustrating.

Keep in mind that your mind has to lead the way; sometimes your emotions can be a bit slow to catch up if you are holding out for the ideal you may have projected on this person. I'm not saying that by projecting an ideal you expected the person to be perfect, simply that you were making a comparison... looking for a good fit... and on a first cursory inspection perhaps the odds looked good.

So then you make the next move, begin to knnow this person and come to learn that while she may be physically attractive, sensual, etc. she holds beliefs or makes choices that you can not live with. It's still hard to let go of the hope that the initial image of the woman you wanted exists and might still be found (although this is not actually likely to happen).

My advice to you would be to remove yourself from the situation and from the person, distance yourself enough to calm down (and this could take a few weeks depending on how intensely attracted you are/were, or how high your hopes for this person were).

If this isn't hitting what you are getting at let me know.

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Thank you all for your replies.

I see a little more context was needed, and I apologize. My question however, was answered very effectivly. The only question I should like to address is that the dichotomy was "apperant" because I know there is no difference between my rational mind and my desires, simply contradictions I choose to nurture.

My apologies for not addressing your other questions and comments. Both were helpful and appreciated.

Edit: I found and fixed the contradiction, and there was a happy ending

Edited by Matthew J
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  • 1 month later...
What does one do, when there appears to be a dichotomy between ones rational values and one's sexual desires? Is it possible that one can genuinely feel sexually attracted to women he finds morally repulsive? What should one do if this appears to be the case? How does one handle feelings of fear that he will treat women worthy of his respect with no honor, because he desires them sexually as well, and does not wish them to be "just another girl"?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Remember. Contradictions do not exist. Check your premises and you'll find one of them to be false.

Perhaps your notion of a "good girl" isn't what you REALLY want. Look at what you DO find yourself attrcted to and understand it... question it...

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What does one do, when there appears to be a dichotomy between ones rational values and one's sexual desires? Is it possible that one can genuinely feel sexually attracted to women he finds morally repulsive? What should one do if this appears to be the case? How does one handle feelings of fear that he will treat women worthy of his respect with no honor, because he desires them sexually as well, and does not wish them to be "just another girl"?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

There's a contradiction in there somewhere. Perhaps your guidelines of what you find attractive don't hold to your preconcieved notions of it. Think about what you find attractive and what you think you SHOULD find attractive, and understand why. Find the difference. Therein lies the problem.

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