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Advice to Soldier

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I am wondering if anyone has some advice on what to say to my nephew that will help him hold on until he can come home. My nephew is a Combat Medic in Iraq and is quite in the thick of things. He has been expressing more and more lately how difficult it is becoming for him, psychologically, being there seeing his friends getting blown in half (literally), having to repair the damage done to people who have just tried to kill him -but injured themselves instead (literally), etc. Of course he is extremely frightened that he will not make it back alive. Then he has problems with his wife back here. I'll have to say that from the moment I met her I thought she was a piece of excrement and she has proved me absolutely correct for the last several years. My sister had a talk with her yesterday because she was supposedly concerned about his mental state so my sister told her that when he gets back he will need a lot of loving support, patience and possibly some counseling. Today she told him she can't take it and wants a divorce (she has already been openly having an affair). He is an extremely intelligent person with very strong character. I guess I'm looking for the right thing to say to give him something to chew on and build up hope and esteem within himself, something rational to hold on to in the chaos he is living, that way possibly he can start working through some of the terrible nightmares he has so he can actually get more that 30 minutes sleep.

It would be different than what he gets from his Mother. She fills him full of ‘we love you, the rest of the world is just f’d up’ and other irrationalities that aren’t helpful.

There is more to it, of course, but I’ve already been so long-winded. I figured I’d just try this condensed version. Any true assistance more than a ‘Buck up Chap’ would be appreciated.

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I see no one wants to touch this (52 views, 0 replies so far). One thing I will add is I tried to speak with him logically while he was home on leave, but didn't have the time I needed with him. His Mother kept interrupting and generally screwing things up since she had no idea about my line of thought and how I was trying to help him thinks things out. I did not want to hurt her feelings because of the stress she was already under at the time so decided it could wait until a later time rather than tell her to be quiet and butt out. Perhaps I was wrong. I was never able to get him alone. I now can only write him a letter, but I am having difficulty figuring out exactly how to word things. I didn't mean for someone to give me all the answers so I could just write down someone else’s thoughts, but just to have something to bounce my own off of and make sure I don't get off track.

Suggestions would be appreciated. :dough:

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I see no one wants to touch this (52 views, 0 replies so far). One thing I will add is I tried to speak with him logically while he was home on leave, but didn't have the time I needed with him. His Mother kept interrupting and generally screwing things up since she had no idea about my line of thought and how I was trying to help him thinks things out. I did not want to hurt her feelings because of the stress she was already under at the time so decided it could wait until a later time rather than tell her to be quiet and butt out. Perhaps I was wrong. I was never able to get him alone. I now can only write him a letter, but I am having difficulty figuring out exactly how to word things. I didn't mean for someone to give me all the answers so I could just write down someone else’s thoughts, but just to have something to bounce my own off of and make sure I don't get off track.

Suggestions would be appreciated. :dough:

It's a hard thing to advise someone on, when you lack a similiar experience to compare it to. I have a fairly dangerous job(commercial roofing) but not really in the same catagory as having people shoot at you.

I would only suggest that it is important to know why you take the risks that you do. If he believes in what he is fighting for, then the risk is probably worth it. So I would focus on the reasons he joined, if you know what they are. Hopefully, it's more along the lines of wanting to preserve his freedom, then getting money for college. Unfortunatly, it sounds to me like he views the risk to his life as sacrifice. You might try and convince him of the nobiliy of his purpose.

Another factor worth consideration is that when in a dangerous circumstance, emotional instability is your worst enemy. The more you can keep a reasonable state of mind the more likely you are to survive it. That comes from some firsthand experience, such as it is.

Hope that helps a bit.

Best Regards to you and your nephew,

Gordon

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