I saw a this qoute on a old friend of mine’s profile. We used to talk (argue/discuss) philosophy, and i’m pretty sure I inspiried it with my exposing her to Objectivism. I sense that it has a negative connotation, but I found it to be really quite funny (for the wrong reasons I assume though). Have what you will, enjoy!
“The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.”
let’s keep the funny quotes coming. I read this somewhere last week (I’ve forgotten where): “Just because you’re misunderstood and depressed, doesn’t make you an artist”.
A bumper sticker that still makes me laugh when I see it:
Visualize Whirled Peas.
“If he who ‘lives by the sword dies by the sword’ then Jesus came to his end properly, didn’t he? After all, he was a carpenter and then nailed to a cross.”
For young parents:
An unbreakable toy is very useful for breaking other toys!
Visualize Whirled Peas.
Which brings us to: “WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET A LONG-barreled handgun aboard the plane and fly safely?”
I want to give props to one of the random quotes on the home page:
“The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.”
~ Thomas Sowell
Avodi unwanted pregnancies, be gay.
The whiteboard in my World History class is filled with quotes. A student wrote: “Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot”
Somebody retorted with “Somewhere in Massachusetts a donkey is missing its ass!”
(Please excuse the profanity; it just didn’t seem funny without it)
Also:
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things”
To him, a dollar is worth a dollar, and everything that is not a dollar is worth zero dollars. Time with family? Worth zero. Playing in a great baseball town? Worth zero. Winning games? Zeeeerrrooooo. A legacy? Well, that’s worth…let’s see…one, two, three…nope, still zero. His philosophy appears to be – if it ain’t worth a dollar, it ain’t worth sh*t.
-Jose Melendez (keystothegame.blogspot.com)
Sorry about the profanity, but this quote is one I’ve kept because it reminds me of the money speech. It’s about Scott Boras, a particularly effective agent for baseball players who is basically in charge of the best players this offseason. He is famous for having his players sign for the absolute most amount of money the market can bear. This blogger does not like his style.
“you get one thing straight, we were put on this Earth to fart around… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”
~ Kurt Vonnegut
(One of the must-reads for an Objectivist is his short story entitled “Harrison Bergeron”, it shows the depths of egalitarianism)
I made my fortune on the seas, and in the mines, and in the cattle wars of the old frontier… I made it by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties. And I made it SQUARE! -Scrooge McDuck
I love that quote Dagny, to the point where I just had to put it in my sig
I made my fortune on the seas, and in the mines, and in the cattle wars of the old frontier… I made it by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties. And I made it SQUARE! -Scrooge McDuck
Excellent! I LOVE Ducktales!
Nothing better than the picture of Scrooge McDuck swimming through his money. 
Here’s one from Walt Disney that I found funny in an odd way:
"I have never been interested in personal gain or profit. This business
and this studio have been my entire life."
And one from that wizard of words, J. K. Rowling:
“THIRTY-ZERO! TAKE THAT YOU DIRTY, CHEATING”
“Jordan, if you can’t commentate in an unbiased way–!”
“I’m telling it like it is, Professor!”
~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Here’s one from Walt Disney that I found funny in an odd way:
"I have never been interested in personal gain or profit. This business
and this studio have been my entire life."
He was always in it for the fun and shear sake of making movies and fun stuff like theme parks. During WW2, it wasn’t uncommon for him to finish animated instructional movies (like how to use a howitzer) before the DOD finished negotiating even the request for proposal. He’d just present it and say take it for what it’s worth. They never turned any of them back and he proved private industry can produce a product before the government could even figure out the need.
Nothing better than the picture of Scrooge McDuck swimming through his money.
Here’s one from Walt Disney that I found funny in an odd way:
"I have never been interested in personal gain or profit. This business
and this studio have been my entire life."
And one from that wizard of words, J. K. Rowling:
“THIRTY-ZERO! TAKE THAT YOU DIRTY, CHEATING”
“Jordan, if you can’t commentate in an unbiased way–!”
“I’m telling it like it is, Professor!”
~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Awesome! I love Harry Potter! Some of it can be a bit shaky from an Objectivist view though. That speech at the end of book 4 about unity… The overall value of the novels is still high however. I do like how the villians in book 5 refuse to accept reality. Sounds farmiliar…
<Umbridge: “This is school, Mr. Potter, not the real world.”>
<Harry: “But I was telling the truth! You know I was Professor”
Mcgonagall:“You think this is about truth and lies? It’s about keeping your head down and your temper under control.” 
>
“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”
By the way, I have a collection of quotes that you can add to your website.
“Accumulation of many small victories may lead to one big defeat”.
-Jin Yong (Hong Kong classical Kong-Fu Novelist)
(My own translation )
I love this one:
“Evil will always triumph, becuase good is dumb”-Dark Helmet, SPACEBALLS
"Christians have their version of hell.
Jews have their version of hell.
Muslims have their version of hell.
Question:What does atheist hell look like?
Answer: Communism." -by some guy
“If you can read this,you don’t need glasses”-SPACEBALLS
“We’re not doing this for moneeeey…we’re doing it for a SHITLOAD of money!”-SPACEBALLS
“Who dare enter the sacred and awesome presence of the everlasting know-it-all?”-Yogurt