Okay, I’ll just post this as is. I’ve tried to assemble my random thoughts in a readable order.
I don’t have many interests, and honestly don’t see much point in life. We’re born, we find something to occupy our time, we repeat that over and over, then one day, we’re dead. There’s no point to life, and we’re all just doing things to keep ourselves busy. I don’t like thinking like this, and it makes it incredibly hard to bring myself to do anything. Of all my problems, I think this one is the biggest one .How can I change my thinking?
For a short while, I actually tried thinking and saying positive things no matter what my opinion was. My thinking was that too much negative thinking caused me to become the person I am, so maybe positive thinking can turn myself around. That didn’t work.
I have depression, OCD, and I’m pretty sure I would be diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. I’ve read about it online, and it describes me pretty well.
I have zero confidence, zero self-esteem, and cannot even look people in the eye anymore. It makes me uncomfortable. I’m taking music composition lessons with a grad student and a nearby university, and I pretty much spend the whole time looking away or at the sheet music. I know he’s looking at me when talking, but I can’t bring myself to look back. I’m paying attention and listening, but it probably appears as though I don’t really care.
I don’t really have much in common with the majority of people my age, or anybody for that matter. I play the piano, listen to and compose classical music, and like to read. That pretty much sums me up. I can hardly even talk to my family anymore. Yeah…, Uh-huh, yes and no is pretty much how a conversation with me will go.
I’m sick and tired of the same thing everyday. I want and need friends to talk to, but have no idea how to actually do it. I had friends all the way up to high school and never actively sought any of them as friends. It just sort of happened. Now, I would be actively seeking friends and that complicates things because friendships should just happen and not be forced, right? I have no idea how to make or keep friends anymore. Years of being alone has probably eroded my social skills and I am probably a little awkward.
Also, where can I meet like-minded people? I’m not an objectivist, but my views are leaning more towards it all the time.
How can a person in his mid-twenties who has no social life outside of immediate family make friends? I high school it’s easy, all you have to do is sit down at a lunch table with people who like the same music as you and sooner or later, you’ll be accepted in. But for someone in my situtation, with all my numerous problems, it’s going to be next to impossible.
I’ve been on medicine and tried counseling in the past. I don’t like the idea of them automatically telling me I have a chemical imbalance, or whatever and medicating me into happiness, (How would they know? Is there a test?) and I’ve been to counseling before and they were never able to help, but I’m going to call and try again tomorrow. If anyone has any thoughts, advice, insults, or whatever about the various things I wrote, I’ll read them. I need all the advice and help I can get.
As for meds for depression, from what my shrink has told me (seeing a shrink and a psychiatrist for depression myself) meds and counseling do better with depression when combined rather than either one on their own. The meds don’t really do much to change how you think or feel on their own necessarily so much as they cut down some of the obstacles about how depressed people tend to think/feel that make it hard for therapy to get anywhere. As for the chemical imbalance, I don’t know of such a test for diagnosis or confirmation, though for what it’s worth on the same site with way too much stuff about depression to sift through I recall reading once that a blood test on people who had been diagnosed with depression by their symptoms showed that these people had unusually high levels of some naturally occurring chemical among other physical differences that have been found to frequently exist in depressed people versus non-depressed people. I’m glad to hear you plan to try again very soon. 
I hope things go well. Mention what meds and doses you’ve been on before too. If you try any again they’ll need to change at least one or the other. It’s pretty normal they don’t hit on the best med regimen for somebody with depression the first time. There is a genetic test one can get to try to point out which anti-depressants are likely to work how well or poorly for you that perhaps you’d be interested in if the meds still aren’t going well.
People around here aren’t likely to be assholes like that anyway sans the occasional, inevitable trolls. If you’d like to talk to somebody some time, feel free to send me a PM.