I’m wondering what I could do to improve the piece or how to present it in a more persuasive, objectivist manner. I hope you’ll be able to give me some opinions. The speech was posted in"Ethics", I don’t know how to put a link into here, but I hope you could give me some feedback.
-J
Well, you asked for it so I will oblige. But before I start criticizing, let me point out some of the positives, which are definitely there.
You come across as very passionate - and that is important.
You also come across in an intelligent manner and you make a number of very excellent individual points. Unfortunately, a collection of excellent points does not necessarily add up to an effective argument.
Here are what I consider to be some of the major opportunities for improvement:
- Your piece is _ WAY _ too ambitious in scope. Your piece essentially seeks to convert a general audience of people who have been exposed to nothing but popular notions of altruism into advocates of rational selfishness in the course of 7 or 8 very long paragraphs. I am afraid that is simply NOT possible.
It took entire novels and multiple non-fiction essays for Ayn Rand to objectively make some of the same points you are trying to make in your short piece. Furthermore, it is next to impossible possible to change an intelligent person’s mind about a major, fundamental issue in the course of a single essay or a single conversation. The absolute most you can hope to accomplish is to leave your audience with something to think about and perhaps plant a seed of doubt in their mind that might eventually inspire them to do some premise checking.
- As a result of point number 1, you end up overloading your audience with more information than they can possibly digest and integrate. Most people in this forum can follow your points well enough - because we are already familiar with your overall argument. But for someone who is already scratching their head in disbelief over the fact that you don’t like Robin Hood and think that people should be selfish - well, then you start going on about socialism, and Soviet Russia and Franco and then you start talking about Anorexia Nervosa. And then, in addition to all of that, you say: “I mean, if all of the religious premises weren’t a factor, what benefit could you possibly get from starving just to hand your money over to beggars?” Thus, on top of an already controversial thesis, you open an entirely new can of controversial worms and have your audience again scratching their heads and wondering: “Gee, he doesn’t like religion either. What has he got against that?”
I know where you are coming from and how it all ties together and so do you - but to an intelligent person who has never had any previous exposure to Ayn Rand’s ideas…well, I am afraid all that is just going to come across as being a bunch of “far out there” assertions against various conventional wisdoms that you obviously do not like.
- You insult the very people you should be targeting your piece to - intelligent people who think for themselves. What I am talking about is following: “Did you notice anything wrong with that definition? If you didn’t, then you are the type of person that has already been corrupted.”
When someone throws out an assertion that my thinking is somehow “corrupted” my immediate reaction is to wonder what sort of religion, conspiracy theory or New Age awareness training program the person is about to pressure me into going along with. A rational person is always open to evidence that he might need to recheck certain premises - but nobody with an ounce of intellectual self-esteem is going to be receptive to the notion that he is nothing more than a passive waif who has unwittingly been “corrupted” by some evil others. As for those who are receptive to such a message - well it is pointless to argue with them because, even if you win them over, they will be gone as soon as some other guru comes along with something that sounds better.
Now for some suggestions on how to improve the piece:
- Keep in mind that 90% of persuasion consists of understanding the other person’s context. Unfortunately, what most people assume is that persuasion consists of finding ever better ways to make one’s point. Years ago, I worked in outside sales and observed that many sales managers and sales reps were always obsessed with finding a better “rebuttal” to use against objections raised by potential buyers. What they were really looking for was an incantation that they could recite which would magically cause people to change their minds. It doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t really matter what you say or how you say it if the other person is not listening or is not capable of grasping your underlying points. You can talk until you are blue in the face and it will make no difference.
If you hope to have any chance at persuasion, the first thing you have to do is acquire as accurate an understanding as possible of the (often contradictory) premises on which the other person is basing his views or objections to your views. Once you have that understanding, you will know on what areas you have at least some sort of common intellectual ground - and that will enable you to identify a point on which to build at least the very beginnings of a bridge over the intellectual gulf that separates you. Once you have identified where the other person is coming from, then figuring out which specific points to make and in what order becomes a lot easier.
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When you write or when you speak to a crowd, it is not possible to grasp, let alone appeal to, the individual contexts of everyone in your audience. In such cases, you must determine which segment of the larger audience you wish to target your presentation to. Once you have identified such a target group within your wider audience, base your presentation on a realistic hypothetical context of that target group and don’t spend much time worrying about those in the audience who fall outside that group. For example, in the case of your piece, don’t worry about including things in it for the benefit of any Objectivists or for any hopeless irrationalists who may be in your audience.
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One CANNOT objectively discuss the issue of altruism to a general audience without recognizing the fact that a great many people equate altruism with kindness, benevolence and charity. All of these things are optional values which can be entirely rational and moral under the appropriate circumstances. If you attack altruism without addressing this very common misconception, people are going to conclude that you are attacking certain behaviors which, in fact, are entirely rational and valid. Likewise, a great many people equate selfishness with a disregard for etiquette and the rights of others. If you fail to address this very common misconception, it is entirely proper and rational for people to conclude that you are nothing more than a whim worshipping hippie.
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My suggestion is to assume as your target audience a person who:
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Is reasonable and open to the possibility that he might need to reexamine certain premises if he is presented with sufficient evidence that he needs to do so.
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Does actively and passionately pursue rationally selfish values in all areas of his life - career, hobbies, romance, family, financial, etc. - but has never challenged the conventional notions about altruism and selfishness.
Don’t worry about any potential people in your audience who are not open to argument or who are not actively engaged in pursuing values in their own lives - such people are probably beyond your reach.
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I think the Robin Hood legend is an EXCELLENT idea on which to base your piece
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Narrow the focus of your piece WAY down. My suggestion is to use the Robin Hood legend to set up the basic issue of altruism verses selfishness. Briefly summarize the popular viewpoint of altruism as good/selfishneess as evil. Then state that there are a lot of misconceptions about the nature of selfishness and that you are going to examine some of those misconceptions and show how, contrary to the popular notion that selfishness is somehow evil, it is actually a VIRTUE.
Next, rather than attacking altruism, focus on making a positive case for selfishness. Crucial to such a case is the fact that the Objectivist definition of selfishness does NOT include hedonism and that, to be selfish, an action must actually be in a person’s objective self interest. Present selfishness as living according to one’s own rational judgment and pursing one’s values - and give a couple of VERY brief examples of how this selfish pursuit of values is what makes human progress possible in the first place. Get in the point that actual selfishness, rather than being an example of whim warship, requires thought, focus, ambition, courage, integrity etc. and to live selfishly is an accomplishment and a VIRTUE. Get in the point that selfishness is the practical implementation of the premise that life - each individual human life and every minute which makes up that life - is profoundly sacred, irreplaceable and valuable and should be lived to the fullest.
Next, address some of the contradictions of altruism. Don’t denounce it or call it evil or suggest that people are stupid for buying into it. Merely demonstrate out how it makes life on earth and the pursuit of values - any values - impossible. Demonstrate also that it is a morality that is impossible to practice - that if one were to be a fully consistent altruist, one would be dead.
Next, scrap everything you wrote about Soviet Russia, Franco’s Spain, Anorexia Nervosa, etc. Instead, VERY briefly raise the rhetorical question as to why certain philosophers and intellectuals would preach altruism. Dig up and use that wonderful Ayn Rand quote to the effect that anytime you hear talk about how one should sacrifice, you can count on there being someone who is collecting sacrifices. Also point out the practical effect of a moral code which cannot be practiced - guilt. Explain that morally confident men are not easily transformed into mindless sheep - but people who feel guilty are. Explain that every tyranny the world has known has rested on the premise that the individual must sacrifice for some “greater” or “higher” good. The entirety of the points I mentioned in this paragraph should be covered in only a few sentences.
Next, very briefly address the misconceptions about equating altruism with charity, goodwill and benevolence. Explain why such things are compatible with and can be examples of properly selfish behavior. Very briefly remind people that selfishness does NOT equate with hedonism and “walking over corpses” and that such things, in fact, are the exact opposite of selfishness.
Summarize by restating why selfishness is, in fact a virtue - and get in a plug for Ayn Rand as a source for those who would like to explore the ideas you discussed in further detail.
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Be careful to avoid falling into the trap of trying to make and prove a philosophically complete case for selfishness. That cannot be done in such a short essay. All you should attempt to do is present enough of a case to demonstrate to people that there does exist an ethical alternative to altruism and that is logical, practical and worth further exploration as a possible moral ideal.
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Recognize that the MOST you can hope to accomplish in such a short piece is to perhaps inspire a few people to check out some of Ayn Rand’s writings or perhaps “soften them up” to be open to exploring them some time down the line. As for those who never do follow through and check out Ayn Rand’s ideas, it is possible that, in some cases, you might have planted enough of a seed of doubt about altruism in their minds that they will be more courageous in standing up for themselves next time some altruist attempts to lay a guilt trip on them. If you can do that - then you have every right in the world to consider your piece to have been very successful.
Anyhow, that is my two cents worth of off the cuff suggestions. I hope you find some of them helpful.