To answer some of your questions, I have spoken with him about this matter. Every time we conversed, it was initiated by me, and the need for communication was largely discussed. I found an enormous need for better communication in our relationship and wanted both of us to strive for it.
On the contrary, he believes lack of communication isn’t a problem. I didn’t seem to pick up from his side of the conversation what the problem is, if not lack of communication. He basically doesn’t want me to question him, and his reasons for not questioning me are that he trusts me. Please keep in mind that I do provide him with all relevant information about my whereabouts (irrelevant would be “I’m going to be in the bathroom for ten minutes”) so he doesn’t ever need to ask.
To me, good communication basically eliminates the need to question the whereabouts of your partner (so they don’t feel you are assaulting them every time they come home), their honesty, and their loyalty. Here, he stated that if I didn’t trust him, then I didn’t deserve to be with him. Imagine that…
He really seems unwilling to try to better things, but I don’t think he knows that if this continues, I will not stick around while he pretends to be Howard Roark- he admitted to trying to act like characters in Rand’s novels. My issue with this is while I enjoy her novels and their characters very much, I have a problem with the relationships where lovers say something like
“I want you, so I am going to effectively punish myself and not carry out my feelings even though I want to and you want me to. See you again in ten years or so.”
While I was talking to him, I was calm and careful with my words, whereas he was slouched back like a child being diciplined with his arms folded, and a very interesting added touch of constant exasperated sighs and eye rolling.
This did not look good to me.
I am not married to this man, but I do live with him. My name is not on the lease.
I want him to want to help me fix what has gone wrong. I can’t do it by myself.