Let me start off by saying that I’m relatively new to these forums, and I don’t know if this is the right forum to post this in. Please feel free to move it if there is a better place for it to be.
I am a member of my school’s local chapter of the National Honor Society, and we have an induction for new members coming up in a few days. It’s the 50th anniversary of the chapter too, so many local alumni will be there. I am supposed to deliver the part of the speech about leadership, but I find some of the content to be highly objectionable. I have asked the head of the chapter, and she said that I could re-write it (in fact, she encouraged me to). I was wondering how you all think I should go about it, as I’m not the best at writing for public addresses. Here is the original piece:
Leadership should exert a wholesome influence on the school. In taking initiative in the classroom and in school activities, the real leader strives to train and aid others to reach their common goals and success. The price of leadership is sacrifice – the willingness to yield one’s personal interests for the interests of others. A leader has self-confidence and will go forward when others hesitate. No matter what power and resources may exist in a school, community, or nation, they are ineffectual without the guidance of a wise leader. Leadership is always needed; thus, to lead is a meaningful and substantive charge to each of our members.
I will then read a quote before passing on the podium to the next speaker. I am considering the following Latin proverb. I really like it and I’m taking Latin so pronunciation shouldn’t be an issue, but I don’t know if the audience would follow along if I suddenly switch to a foreign language. I might warn them beforehand or omit the Latin text altogether:
Absurdum est ut alios regat, qui speisum regere nescit. (It is absurd that a man should rule others, who cannot rule himself.)
I’m sure you can see where I take issue with the stock piece (the part about self-sacrifice is especially horrible), but I’m not entirely sure what to put in its place. There is already someone else presenting a piece about character, so I probably shouldn’t infringe on his territory. I think I also want to change the part that begins “. . . the real leader strives to . . .”
Note that I in no way want to moralize to the audience, I just don’t want to come across as espousing altruistic ideas such as these. Any pointers in the right direction where the rewrite is concerned would be appreciated.