"I have this ”view” of the world often, that gives me a kind of bad feeling. Its
like I feel its a kind of ”anti-exotic” place. A place with dark and cold
weather with superficial people with wrong ideals, where romantic things aren’t
valued, where people are concerned with materialistic and superficial things
and go to clubs and drinking."
Sounds like you are stuck in the malevolent universe bubble.
There is a really good thread about that on here, I’ll try to find it.
Edit: Ok, yes- here it is. Hope you’re familiar with The Fountainhead:
Q (Ferris): “Dominique mentions to Alvah Scarret that she destroyed a very beautiful statue she loved. She did that so that no one else would ever see it. If she valued the statue, why did she destroyed it? ? She had bought the statue, so why didn`t she hide it in a room in her house, making her the only person able to see and apreciate it?”
A (Grames): “Dominique is in fact wrong and irrational in her philosophic premises which lead her to destroy the statue. It is the lesson she has to learn and the character arc she follows in the story to come to understand this. She has what Rand calls the malevolent universe premise, which is not merely that that there are such people as “second-handers” but also that they “run the show”, the universe belongs to them by nature and it is futile to fight them head-on. For Dominique destroying an inspiring statue is an act of rebellion against an inherently evil existence. Dominique must learn of her error from Roark.”
A (2046): “Dominique’s flaw was that she held a malevolent view of the universe in that she saw evil as active, efficacious, and omnipotent in the world and the good as passive, weak, and impotent to succeed in the world. Evil is powerful, good is powerless, basically. She destroyed the statue because she thought it was too good for the scum that inhabited the world, they were not worthy to share existence with such a vision of man. A vision of man and the universe it represented, which didn’t exist to her. Therefore, she wants to destroy her values because she doesn’t want to get her hopes up, so to speak, and have them dashed when she finds out they don’t exist. Instead, she tells herself they don’t exist and she won’t achieve any values so that she won’t have to suffer the pain of losing them. As far as if this is irrationality, in the wider sense, it is because it is a kind of philosophical pessimism that isn’t warranted under a rational morality. I n a rational morality, it is the evil that is impotent because the entire point of morality is that it is a tool of survival and flourishing life for man. But her error is not an immorality on her part, but an honest error of knowledge (there being a difference between the two.) Dominique is an independent thinker, and so she retains the means to correct herself, and does so when she sees the forces of evil failing at life and Roark winning at life.”