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Psychology and Self Improvement
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Hello again,

I recently thought quite a bit about some of what you said. In fact this comment “Do what is in my best interest” is simple but so effective. I can´t believe I didn´t think of that sooner. I have recently done what is in my best interest (with some very good results!)

This sentence from Rand also often comes to mind: “There is no such thing as contradictions. If you are experiencing one, check your premises.” I realise this sentence does indeed represent reality. Here´s an example (if it´s too long for your standards, feel free to edit).

Today was my final exam to become an english teacher. To tell you the truth, I nailed it. Hard. I´ve always been gifted for languages and am very competent teacher (by my standards of course, I still trying to figure out adjectives if not by your own standards). So anyway, I´ve been studying hard the last month and I really did well on the exam.

Here´s the thing though. I didn´t want to tell anyone else. I felt strange. Everyone was complaining that the exam was too hard, but I thought it was just so easy. A lot of the students were depressed and angry about it. But the thing is, most of them didn´t study until the last few days! They are completely responsible for their failures. Completely!

Now, am I being heartless? I just don´t pity people, never! But I find myself unable to be happy about my success, well not happy, but you know, satisfied. People were asking me how I found it and I almost felt bad saying that It was so goddamn easy.

Here´s my question. Is it boasting to say that you´re good in something. I´m pretty good in arts, sports, languages, psychology and other things. But I feel bad saying so. Not as much as I used to, but I still do. Is part of loving yourself feeling pride? Do they go hand in hand? Can one live without the other? Pretty good questions eh?

Still, about the contradictions. I think I´m handsome. But I sometimes can´t find the courage to walk up to the girl and talk to her. I am much more assertive than I used to, which does feel really good (ego wise). I´m also funny and interesting. I keep telling myself, reality isn´t dangerous, it´s our perception of it which is. So, you know, I also repeat myself, that nobody has authority over my mind and not I won´t hand over my self-esteem in the hands of others. But I still do, that´s the thing. Some day I don´t, but the next day I do! What I am trying to say is that those very potent concepts are difficult to integrate.

Now, what do you think is the best way to integrate a new idea, concepts, perception of things? Self-repeatition? I really am clueless on the matter. If only I could find ways to modify my subconscious, to really integrate those awesome philosophies (optimism, objectivism) and other ideas.

I do feel Objectivism is harsh at times. I do sometimes feel good trying to love people who don´t really bring anything. What could this be, altruism?

I do feel better though and it is partly because of your advices. I do thank you for that. I did notice a huge improvment. There are days when I really feel a love for myself, deep down, like the rebirth of a long dead phoenix. Tell I feel so calm, nothing can hurt me. Hell, my IQ goes through the roof when I´m like that.

I will be reading your comments with great interest, as always.

Andromeda.

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Is it boasting to say that you´re good in something. I´m pretty good in arts, sports, languages, psychology and other things. But I feel bad saying so. Not as much as I used to, but I still do. Is part of loving yourself feeling pride? Do they go hand in hand? Can one live without the other?

Pride naturally flows from loving yourself. It’s a consequence of loving yourself, and a vital part of self-esteem. You should always feel pride in your accomplishments and that you can succeed when presented with challenges. Despite the sometimes overbearing messages to the contrary from the media, the characteristic of pride in achievement is admirable inthe world. What employer wants to hire someone uncertain of his abilities, or too modest about them?

“Boasting” is a relative term. You should never run around showing off just to impress others or display superiority. This is the action of one whose self-worth is based on the reactions and opinions of others. Real self-worth comes from knowing that you’re good at something, doing it well, and being confident when asked … “Yeah, I’m very good at this!” Stay aware, though … there’s always room for improvement.

“Handsome”? Cool, but as many other posts will show you, physical beauty is but one component of attraction. I’m sure you’ve met many beautiful women who turned out to be horrible people. (I sure have …) Your confidence will display itself in your posture, your body language, and in your approach to every situation. The right women will pick up on this - even subconsciously - and that’s what will make you attractive more so than dashing good looks. They help, but it’s not everything.

Now, what do you think is the best way to integrate a new idea, concepts, perception of things? Self-repeatition? I really am clueless on the matter. If only I could find ways to modify my subconscious, to really integrate those awesome philosophies (optimism, objectivism) and other ideas.

Actually, you’ve alerady answered this for yourself. Put these ideas into practice, always keep your premises in check, and the results will speak for themselves. Keep doing this and success will follow. Committing Rand’s words & Objectivist ideas to memory helps, but making them mantras won’t change your behavior. Part of Objectivist thought is that reality and ideas are directly related, and that the correct ideas will guide you to success. You’d have to speak to a psychologist about “modifying your subconscious”; I’m not sure what that means.

What I can say is that my own experiences have shown that changing the ideas, putting them into practise, and observing the results is the best way to go. I was raised as a Christian, so many of Rand’s writings came as a shock to my conscience. However, I could sense she was right, and when I started acting on her ideas, I found many things happened - old habits died, unearned guilt eroded, pride was “tangible”, and happiness seemed possible. Sure, there are a few instances where the “old operating system” wants tio kick in, but my attention to it is far more honed, and I can identify it and make the mental correction swiftly.

I do feel Objectivism is harsh at times. I do sometimes feel good trying to love people who don´t really bring anything. What could this be, altruism?

Yes, or an echo of altruism. However, Objectivism teaches that we always get something from our efforts, good or bad. Find out what it is these relationships are bringing you, figure out if it’s worth what you’re going through, and if the clash with your changing values, take the appropriate action. If you’re attempting to turn your outgoing “love” into something reciprocal, you’ll be wasting your energies. Look into what Rand said about what love really is, then spend some time thinking about those feelings.

Objectivism “harsh”? No more than reality is. Objectivism is only harsh on those who refuse to accept reality. If you’re committed to changing your philosophy to reason, you’ll find that reality is quite benevolent. After all, you’re accomplished and proud, right? What others thought was difficult you found simple. You’ve already mastered reality in some way … keep going, and don’t stop! It only gets better!

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Wow,

Thanks a lot for this e-mail. You rock man!

I will ponder on those words. Very much so.

Take care,

Etienne