kainscalia, your post and story illustrate my point about experience and forming judgements about sex and sex partners. If you had known then what you know now… well, that is just a pointless thought exercise!
kainscalia, your post and story illustrate my point about experience and forming judgements about sex and sex partners. If you had known then what you know now… well, that is just a pointless thought exercise!
Actually, you are dropping the context and completely ignoring the conditions of the situation: If a public relationship had been available to me without the risk of serious hostile repercussions upon myself and my family, then I would have pursued the relationship, not sex for sex’s sake.
Actually, you are dropping the context and completely ignoring the conditions of the situation: If a public relationship had been available to me without the risk of serious hostile repercussions upon myself and my family, then I would have pursued the relationship, not sex for sex’s sake.
OK, maybe you weren’t a great example… though you’re not a great example for the OP, either.
No need to get on the “sex for the sake of sex” train that OO.net likes to send around. Nobody does that, there is always sex plus something else. Your something else was loneliness. The OP’s something else is curiosity and desire.
Zip, there’s a nice medium between using a woman whose name you can’t remember and finding the “ultimate.” There are women whose company you can enjoy and want to be with, even if it isn’t forever.
What is it that makes it nice, though? I guess I’m not helping the OP here, but I never understood this. I can see the merits of both extremes, but what are you getting in the middle? I can (sort of) relate to having sex with whomever you find hot, I can certainly relate to having sex with the one woman you love the most, but I could never do this “you’re good for now, but it isn’t forever” thing.
I mean, the two values you can derive from sleeping with a woman are 1, having a great sexual experience and 2, consummating a romantic relationship. If you are focusing on #1, the way to gain the greatest amount of value is to sleep with as many attractive women as you find. If you are going for #2 (which comes with #1 included, of course), then it has to be a real romantic relationship, with a woman you’re in love with, not just some temporary “like you but don’t quite really love you” kind of arrangement.
(A site full of dating advice for men. Has philosophic discussions, and most regulars on the forum has read Ayn Rand’s novels. There are some Objectivists there.)
Maybe half of it is completely bizarre but there are some gems here and there to get fom it.
I think there is something to be said for having sex just for the sake of having sex. When I hit 21 or 22 I was still a virgin, so I decided to look into online escorts because I was having trouble finding anyone I wanted to start a relationship with. I figured that if I did meet someone, I didn’t want to be all awkward and have no idea what I was doing at that age. I think a 22-year-old that doesn’t have a clue what they are doing would be a turnoff to most prospective mates the same age. I ended up having a few encounters with different escorts. The first time was awful, but it got better. I satisfied my curiosity fairly quickly and felt like I was learning how to please a woman from professionals, which is the way I went about it.
I didn’t actually have a relationship until years later, but I felt like my earlier experimentation had prepared me for it. I don’t regret it in the slightest, as I think it has made me a better lover.
What is it that makes it nice, though? I guess I’m not helping the OP here, but I never understood this. I can see the merits of both extremes, but what are you getting in the middle? I can (sort of) relate to having sex with whomever you find hot, I can certainly relate to having sex with the one woman you love the most, but I could never do this “you’re good for now, but it isn’t forever” thing.
I mean, the two values you can derive from sleeping with a woman are 1, having a great sexual experience and 2, consummating a romantic relationship. If you are focusing on #1, the way to gain the greatest amount of value is to sleep with as many attractive women as you find. If you are going for #2 (which comes with #1 included, of course), then it has to be a real romantic relationship, with a woman you’re in love with, not just some temporary “like you but don’t quite really love you” kind of arrangement.
What is it that makes it nice … well, that will be different with each person. Peopel react differently. For some, sex before “the one” works, for others not. This is a decision that has to be made on a personal level; it’s not one size fits all.
What is it that makes it nice … well, that will be different with each person. Peopel react differently. For some, sex before “the one” works, for others not. This is a decision that has to be made on a personal level; it’s not one size fits all.
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What I mean by the above is, for example, I thoroughly enjoy sex. It’s a tremendous pleasure. I like men who feel comfortable with themselves and sex and are not uptight. But that’s me. It isn’t for everyone. Each person needs to go with his or her comfort level.
I think a 22-year-old that doesn’t have a clue what they are doing would be a turnoff to most prospective mates the same age.
I’m 22. I think anybody who would be that irritated and impatient with a mate about being who they’re learning with is a bad sign for the relationship, for how much they actually care about you as a person.
I like men who feel comfortable with themselves and sex and are not uptight.
Not treating sex casually does not translate to being uptight about sex.
If someone derives enjoyment from casual sex, what’s wrong with it? If it feels good physically, you enjoy the person’s company, and are reasonably certain that there is no STD risk, I can’t see any rational reason to object to it.
Hey now, you already have a whole 'nother thread on that subject here if you want to discuss that. I think turning this thread into a real debate on casual sex directly would just drown out the discussion of this thread creator’s particular situation.
Not treating sex casually does not translate to being uptight about sex.
Seconded. Why shouldn’t you be careful about something that is of a high value to you? I think this is an unfair dichotomy. I personally would be turned off by an “easy” guy. Who wants to be someone’s fiftieth notch on the bedpost? Not me.
Being comfortable with oneself and with sex is not the same thing as being promiscuous. As a matter of fact, most people (both sexes) who sleep around a lot a NOT happy or comfortable with their sexuality.
As a matter of fact, most people (both sexes) who sleep around a lot a NOT happy or comfortable with their sexuality.
Excuse me, but that is a hasty generalization. How do you know this? Would you mind explaining in detail?
Yes, Howard, that was a generalization, but a pretty accurate one, based on experience. People who are comfortable with their sexuality are usually able to maintain a good relationship and don’t need to prove anything by sleeping around. I’ve never seen unrestrained promiscuity as a sign of self-esteem. Of course, people who can’t handle their sexuality and abstain usually (yes, a generalization) have the same problem.
Most girls your age are dumb and just want good sex and to be entertained constantly with BS. Girls will always want good sex, so I suggest you learn to have sex so when you meet one that is not dumb you will not be laughed at when you are all done in one minute. Do not put these girls on some intellectual pedestal. Most of them like to be treated like crap, which just shows their true colors even more. Don’t be afraid of them, they are dumber than you. If you have any testosterone in your body and do not look like a gremlin, some woman should be drawn to you. I don’t care if you have to start out with fat chicks - most everyone did and you have to start somewhere. I am not a guy who subscribes to lowering standards for no reason, but I would recommend lowering your standards to eventually increase them.
See my earlier post. Somebody worth having a serious relationship with, who really cares about you, shouldn’t be laughing and humiliating you just because you are learning and new to sexual experience with them.
Most girls your age are dumb and just want good sex and to be entertained constantly with BS. Girls will always want good sex, so I suggest you learn to have sex so when you meet one that is not dumb you will not be laughed at when you are all done in one minute. Do not put these girls on some intellectual pedestal. Most of them like to be treated like crap, which just shows their true colors even more. Don’t be afraid of them, they are dumber than you. If you have any testosterone in your body and do not look like a gremlin, some woman should be drawn to you. I don’t care if you have to start out with fat chicks - most everyone did and you have to start somewhere. I am not a guy who subscribes to lowering standards for no reason, but I would recommend lowering your standards to eventually increase them.
This is the most offensive post I’ve read on these forums in a long time.
Let me see if I’ve got this straight. Women are just dumb bitches who want to be treated like shit and will jump any guy with body hair? Oh and don’t forget, bone fat chicks first for an easy practice lay?
There’s something seriously warped with your view of sexuality and females if you subscribe to this garbage.
The only real advice I can come up with on this, is : don’t go looking for it.
Sounds crazy, but there’s sense in it.
Secondly, don’t generalize, about yourself as a sexual being, or about the girl you wish for. Or anything. This is an incredibly individual arena.
It’s easy to say, harder to do in one’s 20’s (I know), but as much as possible ‘be’ who you are, and don’t try too hard.
(Sex for a single man, is a bit like luck - you prepare yourself for it to make sure you enjoy it to full advantage when it strikes - but you cannot count on its timing. So don’t knock yourself when you’re not having it.)
No, I’m not keen on the ‘learn to be friends with a woman, interesting guy thing’. You’re not looking for a buddy - you’re a man, desiring a mate.
Why not project that? Without, repeat, without, displaying overt machismo, or ‘hunting’ for her.
Last thought, variety and numbers of lovers do not extend sexual pleasure, IME.
With one great woman, it just keeps getting better…