desire to show off / boast

Psychology and Self Improvement
1

I think I have a slight second handed nature. I wrote up my values but the desire to be great in others eyes didn’t come up. Lots of the things I’ve done also had nothing to do with other people. However, whenever I succeed in a goal I have this tendency to want to blurt it out and tell everyone(well moreso my friends, I’m not one of those crazy boasters), to show them how great I am. It doesn’t go in so far that I lie about my achievements but still, this concerns me. Should it?

I cant imagine Howard Roark telling everyone how great he is, Dagny, Rearden, Francisco, Galt(he didn’t care that the world didn’t know he invented a new form of energy). On the other hand when I achieve something great(seriously great) I want everyone to know. Again, when doing introspection this never showed up on my values(other people knowing that I am great).

2

I think I have a slight second handed nature. I wrote up my values but the desire to be great in others eyes didn’t come up. Lots of the things I’ve done also had nothing to do with other people. However, whenever I succeed in a goal I have this tendency to want to blurt it out and tell everyone(well moreso my friends, I’m not one of those crazy boasters), to show them how great I am. It doesn’t go in so far that I lie about my achievements but still, this concerns me. Should it?

I cant imagine Howard Roark telling everyone how great he is, Dagny, Rearden, Francisco, Galt(he didn’t care that the world didn’t know he invented a new form of energy). On the other hand when I achieve something great(seriously great) I want everyone to know. Again, when doing introspection this never showed up on my values(other people knowing that I am great).

I think it depends on the type of boasting going on, if it’s just yapping about every little thing you’ve done (some of which presumably is outstanding only by virtue of that fact that most people are thoroughly mediocre) to anyone who will listen is clearly less than heroic. However, wanting to exalt :stuck_out_tongue: your greatest achievements among people you respect and admire, and reveling in their admiration of you, is fully consistent with rational principles. The only way it would be second-handed is if you based your decision to pursue your goals and dreams on whether or not you received positive feedback.

Frankly, I don’t know about other Objectivists, but I find this to be somewhat of a fine line. I do find myself once in a while in danger of crossing over into second-handed territory when I get too hung up on enjoying the admiration of others. The power of having a gorgeous woman who shares your principles staring up at you on stage, grasping the full meaning of your work.. it’s definitely not something to take lightly. While I know in my heart that I will always make music according to my own vision, there are moments when I need that extra lift to overcome my inertia, when thinking of a woman like that makes me peel my ass off the couch and get to work.

To get back to your question, I think Galt was happy to talk at length about the value of his invention to those who deserved it. But I assume he would see the pointlessness (even the destructiveness) of parading it out to those who couldn’t grasp the principles that made it possible.

3

I am perceived at work as an up and comer for the value of my work. I tend to focus on the job and if I am successful everything will fall in place. It is amazing to watch coworkers get caught up in office politics.

However, when I am around my girlfriend. I practically beam with joy as I brag about my accomplishments. I have the classic muahahaha! laugh down to an art as I slowly assume more responsibility and power within my workplace.

Muahahahaaha!

Derrick

4

Hmmm, I don’t know. I’ve always just sort of felt happy for myself on the inside and didn’t feel like I needed to tell anyone unless they asked. After I give a concert I just politely bow like everyone else and exit the stage. I feel incredible on the inside and I do get the urge to call someone and tell them, but I never really do. Maybe it’s just me being too shy for my own good again.

5

I think I have a slight second handed nature. I wrote up my values but the desire to be great in others eyes didn’t come up. Lots of the things I’ve done also had nothing to do with other people. However, whenever I succeed in a goal I have this tendency to want to blurt it out and tell everyone(well moreso my friends, I’m not one of those crazy boasters), to show them how great I am. It doesn’t go in so far that I lie about my achievements but still, this concerns me. Should it?

I cant imagine Howard Roark telling everyone how great he is, Dagny, Rearden, Francisco, Galt(he didn’t care that the world didn’t know he invented a new form of energy). On the other hand when I achieve something great(seriously great) I want everyone to know. Again, when doing introspection this never showed up on my values(other people knowing that I am great).

There’s a difference between the second-hander, who seeks undeserved adulation and thinks that the fact that he is being praised by others makes him great, and the man who achieves and is pleased to be in the company of others who appreciate his achievement for what it is. The former seeks to gain self-esteem from others (an impossible task). The latter is great and knows it, and while he can live without praise, he takes great joy in knowing there are others who recognize his value. He doesn’t NEED them, but they enhance his enjoyment of his own achievements (and he happily reciprocates when his loved ones do great things).

Galt may not have cared that the world as a whole know what he had done – in fact, he wanted to keep his discovery secret precisely because the world was not worthy of it. Why share your achievement with those who are just going to loot it? But he was perfectly happy to talk about his passion with Quentin Daniels, because Daniels had both the correct philosophy and sufficient intellect to appreciate it. And remember what Lillian shouted at Rearden during one of their arguments? She said something like, “Rearden Mines, Rearden Metal, Rearden Wife!” and asked him why he had to put his name on everything. The answer is: he wanted his achievements to be known as his own.

6

The real question to ask yourself is: do I feel like I did something good even when I’m not getting the approval? Me, I usually don’t. I have terrible self-esteem issues and even when someone is praising me to the sky I still feel like I haven’t done anything worthwhile. I have two typical responses: when someone praises me for something *specific* that I enjoy being good at, I fish for more praise, and when they praise me overall for possessing good traits, I disavow it. Another sign of psychological second-handedness is feeling rewarded when you get praise from people you don’t respect.

If you don’t do *that*, I don’t think you need to worry about being second-handed. The thing to remember is that even if you have these psychological traits and feel these emotions, it doesn’t necessarily indicate that you are *acting* in a second-handed manner. When I make a sincere effort to be objective, I know that I do a lot of first-handed productive work even though my emotional responses are screwed up. The first task is to make sure that you are *acting* properly, *then* worry about the psychological leftovers you automatized in the past.

It is possible you may never be able to fully get rid of the psychological leftovers, but that’s not really that important. What’s important is recognizing those emotions and not letting them own you.

7

The real question to ask yourself is: do I feel like I did something good even when I’m not getting the approval?

I do, I feel excited at the prospect of achieving something and of telling people. In the case that I wouldn’t get approval I wouldn’t tell people(but there are always one or two people who have aligned interests so you can impress them)..

and I’ll add what I was so excited about so I can boast to worthy people =)

I’m in the process of landing a trader position at a hedge fund. Initially, I would begin by managing a “trial capital” larger than what both my parents make put together in almost two years(so alot)… unfortunately this is not guaranteed yet, but I’ve had a long interviews and another coming follow-up to decide.

8

I think I have a slight second handed nature. I wrote up my values but the desire to be great in others eyes didn’t come up. Lots of the things I’ve done also had nothing to do with other people. However, whenever I succeed in a goal I have this tendency to want to blurt it out and tell everyone(well moreso my friends, I’m not one of those crazy boasters), to show them how great I am. It doesn’t go in so far that I lie about my achievements but still, this concerns me. Should it?

The desire to let other know you did great at something/you are great is not second handish. A second hander is one who derives his self esteem from other people’s opinion of him.

Enjoying admiration is … well… it’s good. Good for whom? Good for you (whoever is asking this question).

I cant imagine Howard Roark telling everyone how great he is, Dagny, Rearden, Francisco, Galt (he didn’t care that the world didn’t know he invented a new form of energy). On the other hand when I achieve something great(seriously great) I want everyone to know. Again, when doing introspection this never showed up on my values(other people knowing that I am great).

I think it’s a mistake to check the morality of your actions by comparing them to someone else’s actions (in this case, Reardan, Francisco etc’). The right way to judge the morality of something is through principals. Two people may have the same principles but may act differently. Does it mean one of them is bad because his actions are different? no.

9

…don’t forget that Roark, D’Anconia, Halley, etc., *did* appreciate it very much when people they respected in turn respected their accomplishments. Richard Halley (the composer) had a fairly lengthy speech in Atlas Shrugged about just that.

10

…don’t forget that Roark, D’Anconia, Halley, etc., *did* appreciate it very much when people they respected in turn respected their accomplishments.

As did Ayn Rand, I have heard.

11

Although I don’t have the urge to boast very often I have found that after accomplishing something I have a lot more confidence then usual. Today for instance I finished learning a pretty difficult new classical guitar piece, and when I went to the mall later I was able to talk to this cute girl at the bookstore without feeling the usual shyness, self-consciousness, etc. So I guess I get all the benefits I need without having to boast or show off :wink: .

12

It doesn’t go in so far that I lie about my achievements but still, this concerns me. Should it?

Only if that boastfulness is meant to make you look better at someone else’s expense, or to make someone else look worse, or is done out of a need for praise from others.

The hard thing is interpreting others’ reactions to you. One person might be pleased and inspired by your success, and another may be a self-pitying curmudgeon who thinks you’re trying to make him look or feel bad. The former is what I’d call a friend ; the latter would be someone I rarely speak to unless necessary.

Ultimately, though, the line is one you draw yourself. Check your motivations, especially if you’ve habitually or unconsciously sought praise in the past. If you’re honest and conscientious and you’ve accomplished something, be proud of it, and don’t be afraid to let those who care about you know - and celebrate their accomplishments with them.

If you need some inspiration or an example, read Ayn Rand’s essay on Marilyn Monroe, Through Your Most Grievous Fault. An excerpt:

A woman, the only one, who was able to project the glowingly innocent sexuality of a being from some planet uncorrupted by guilt–who found herself regarded and ballyhooed as a vulgar symbol of obscenity–and who still had the courage to declare: “We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”

A happy child who was offering her achievement to the world, with the pride of an authentic greatness and of a kitten depositing a hunting trophy at your feet–who found herself answered by concerted efforts to negate, to degrade, to ridicule, to insult, to destroy her achievement–who was unable to conceive that it was her best she was punished for, not her worst–who could only sense, in helpless terror, that she was facing some unspeakable kind of evil.

Ayn Rand, 1962

While I’m not an actor or sex symbol (far from it!), I am truly inspired by a vision of flaunting natural, uncorrupted, self-made pride Rand saw in Monroe.

13

I am truly inspired by a vision of flaunting natural, uncorrupted, self-made pride Rand saw in Monroe.

This is one of the benefits I get from having a child. I am arround it all the time.