Hi all, its good to be here. Its been 15 or so years since I found the fountainhead at the library, and became an athiest by the time I got to the part of the stoddard temple. Objectivism has always made sense to me, I think even before I knew about it. I was pretty sad during highschool, spending all my time alone in the library. It wasn’t until I became a vegetarian that I began to feel better about myself, plus lost the excess 40 pounds. Not that being a vegey has anything to do about objectivism, but it was the first time I ever did something different, was warned against it, and it ended up working. Since then I have to learn everything myself.
Unfortunately everything about myself seems to rub the people the closest to me the wrong way. My father and me have no relationship and neither does me and my sister. Once I lost weight I looked better but still had a hard time with friends. My sister dropped out of school at 14 and moved in with a friend and her wellfare mom and did nothing but drink, drugs and well nothing good. My dad, eager to win his daughters love due to our parents devorce ,allowed all of it, and even hung out with his new “friends”
Meanwhile I went out west to run my mom’s furniture business, and though the stress of a family business got to me due to the tempers of those involved, I felt I was learning. Eventually me and my sis got an apartment together. I had to understand what was going on and why I felt the need to belong. She had at least smartened up to the point where she was no longer one of the losers, but she still liked to be their ringleader and invited quite a few to come stay in our 2 bdrm apartment. I was the only one working, and it bothered me, everyone else being on welfare or mooching. I had started out wanting to learn to be friends with my sis’s friends, but after awile I changed and kind of felt disgusted about the whole situation. That was when I first discovered that having alot of friends doesn’t make you special if they are all losers. Almost to that day my sister and my father were against me. I thought about how I was in high school. My father didn’t have a problem with me then, but cross my sisters friends and become more independant, and our relationship went downhill.
There was one time I came home from a long day at work and tried to sleep while everyone else partied. The group, including my dad, snuck into my room and put shaving cream up my nose while I slept. I never understood why I was so angry at that moment until I read Ayn Rand. Tell me is this not a perfect example of putting someone down just because I was trying to do something with my life. But of course I should be able to laugh at myself.
Forward to my present relationship. I have been with the same girl for 8 years. The first few years were great, and I couldn’t have been prouder of us. Then about 18 months ago she started to get distant and I might have relaxed a bit myself. Objectivism was always very important to me and I would always talk with my girlfriend about it without any problem. Maybe after 4 years I got this feeling that I should look around to other writers, and be more, I guess cautious about what I would say. I read some libertarian stuff, and got into reading about Gold and got in that for investment early and tripled my money in my mutual fund. All the while I bought a house myself and paid it off in 6 years working long hours, of basic jobs, nothing special, like baking and driving a forklift. This isn’t exactly an ideal career, but unfortunately, I never had much in the way of guidance (ie) my father. Previously after falling out with him over something that hurt me I took my inspiration from atlas, for right or wrong. Remember when Rearden told Francisco, “I don’t know my limit, and I don’t care”, well that was all I knew about career. I just worked and thought I was doing well, and well, I am. Except that she doesn’t really think so. Or at least not as well as I can. She is going for her accounting degree, and I support her efforts completely. She did have to deal with my thursday to monday 2-10 pm shift which did make it hard for us to see each other. I agreed to take a posting in the freezer to get Sun-Thurs, and I got Mon- Fri last Oct, so we now have the same days off although she works during the day. She first said she was lonely about 3 years ago. I told her I was doing the best I could for us, and not to feel that way. “Just because I am not there doesn’t mean I don’t love you, you are going to have to become more independant” I remember how my dad coddled my sister, I didn’t want to be like that.
Her brother had been introduced to objectivism by me, but only read the novels and went more into investing and economics. He is a smart guy but, he is, well, one of those rothbard guys, he actually emailed me that rothbard play that denegrates Ayn Rand. I however, recovering from my bout of “tolerance” decided to get back to objectivism, and tried to bring it back into our relationship. For whatever reason, she wasn’t interested, or rather couldn’t get over that next step and so gave it up. As I entered the last 18 months, she was getting distant. Finally last March she said she didn’t feel the same. I told her if that was the case, she had to leave. The next day I called her, we met, and got back together. Things were good for awile but we had things to still work out. She unfortunately didn’t want too and or didn’t know what to do. Finally, it was decided that we would break up, last weekend. We went right from we should fix this, to I don’t want to. In other words, 8 years gone without even trying and I cannot find the central cause.
Some possibilities-she wasn’t really independant enough at the start, so now that she is, she wants more. Which leaves the annoying feeling that I didn’t attract the independant type and therefore wouldn’t now.
-She thinks I havent accomplished enough, or have a “normal” career. Although she didn’t have to deal with $740 coming off a biweekly paycheck every other week. I bought the house, She was welcome to contribute but I wanted us to each keep track of how much etc, so she decided not to. This difference in expenses changed my spending habits, sometimes I just don’t like to spend money.
- I put off marriage- This was simply a question of whether it was essential. I had the frame of mind that I could never love her less because we were not married, so it was never an issue. Unfortunately, the way this went I kind of regret. We did actually agree to get married, 5 years ago, but then never got back to it. She maintains that the fact we didn’t proceed with it was not an issue with her the whole time, but at the same time has said now that it is something she wants. I have a feeling I should not have believed it wasn’t important to her and went ahead with it myself.
-I am too indecisive. sometimes this is true. I don’t like to just call up someone to fix something and pay rediculous prices. I like to try to fix things myself, sometimes I put them off. Sometimes I don’t always know what to do on our days off or what movie to rent
-She can’t deal with the stress working this out will cause her, its easier not to try
- I am too serious. It is my opinion that seriousness is looked at as being overly sensitive nowadays.
I told her she is making a mistake and frankly the not try thing is insulting. A one year relationship, fine. I have some flaws you don’t like, fine. But 8 years deserves more effort. I generally don’t like to escape responsibilty, but if I do something you have a problem with, can’t I ask for help on occasion without getting dumped.
Any advice?
