I don’t intend to misrepresent you in saying this, but it seems to me you’re suggesting “this is what men do and this is what women do with regards to dating”. In my opinion, dating in the sense you are talking about is just a cultural norm. Once you are romantically attracted to someone, it is nice to have personal time with them, but dating in order to discover such a connection is unnecessary, and frankly, it sounds a little boring.
I haven’t read bluecherry’s response yet, but I want to clarify that in terms of romance I only speak from my perspective as a man, and that is the context of the advice I was trying to give. When I said that the man needs to decide whom he prefers should he be dating multiple women, I meant it in that context. Men and women have equality in that sense, as women dating multiple men would do the same. But as a man, in dating women, I have to assume and expect that I will be the one to make the move, that I will be the one to choose, and so forth. I suppose a woman could think to do the same, but that has no bearing on what I would do in a relationship. If a woman ‘made a move’ on me (for clarity let’s say this involves saying, “I like you, let’s be exclusive”, or some sort of implicit gesture of that nature), I would have to choose what to do.
I would probably not choose that woman. Why? There is such a thing in fact as femininity and masculinity, and romantic relationships depend in part on those distinctions and roles. Must women be feminine? Professionally, I’d say no. I’d never judge a woman on her womanness if she were an acquaintance or colleague in the context of my association with her. But romantically, I would judge a woman who tried to assume more of the masculine responsibilities.
My reason isn’t philosophical, it’s from experience. I have dated and at one time appreciated women who have been more aggressive in pursuing me. These relationships have been disasterous! From the get go, deferment to the woman’s aggressive personality is established. While I continued to accept this, she dictated the course of the romance. My appreciation of this was completely wrong and altruistic. As I tried to establish my opinion and perspective, it provoked conflict. I forgave the conflict in the interest of ‘love’, which ‘love’ I was receiving for free from the woman. This is why she pursued me in the first place. My mother was very unconditionally loving, and that’s sometimes very harmful. There were certain women who knew that if they gave me that ‘free’ love, I would irrationally accept them in their flaws. Objectivism has helped me sort that out, at least. I think some men could do fine with women who ‘make the move’, but they would necessarily have to be very aggressive themselves, and indifferent in some respects.
Romance isn’t about equality. Friendship is. Business is. That is, each partner has rights and their relationship must satisfy the interests of both as a free trade. So, relationships generally have that equality in them. But in romance, there are two poles. It’s not just anatomy, men and women are different and experience romance differently. With all the variety in humanity, and all the different factors that may affect rational romance, you can’t take general categories as absolute givens. Some women, for example, may be more trusting of men and more comfortable with masculinity. Others may need more gentleness (again, I’m speaking from a man’s perspective, it can work the other way).
The general defintion I’m sticking to is that men ought to ‘make the move’. Think of Dagny Taggart. In many ways, she ‘made the move’, but did so subtly and implicitly. She waited for Hank to literally take her, defering to his masculinity in their romance. I don’t have an answer for exactly what the dichotomy between masulinity and femininity is, but I do know that inasmuch as I have let women lead in romance, it has been difficult and confusing, and inasmuch as I have led, they have responded well. That may be just me, but I’ve observed it in other relationships as well. To the point where I don’t think a woman is irrational when she desires to be pursured, and not the other way around. That’s the point I was making from my earlier anecdote, I learned that I don’t want to be pursued by a woman, I’m happier when I pursue. Make of it what you will, I don’t know how else to make this point about men and women.
Applying that to dating, let me address the idea of cultural norms. Masculinity and femininity are defined mostly culturally, so not everything associated with both ideas, traditionally, is necessarily rationally correct. Dating, on the other hand, is very practical. You don’t need to do it to get to know someone well, but most of the time it is the best way. If you meet someone and are attracted to them, you’d want to have more time to know each other better, so you go do things with them. You make time for this. It’s called dating. How is it boring?
Really? I’ve been on dates with girls I was sort of attracted to, but not ultimately interested in. It was still fun to share thoughts with them, do fun things, and flirt a little. It’s not a big deal. In fact, the cultural norm is that dating is a super serious affair all the time. That I disagree with.
No point I could imagine in waiting any longer normally.