questing

I've recently had my first encounter with men who talk dirty/insult women when having sex. I find it difficult to call it 'making love' because there is no tenderness involved. My first reaction was to feel uncomfortable with it. But once I overcame my Catholic upbringing inhibitions, I found it erotic. However the question remains: why do men find it erotic and why do women find it erotic? I think that my personal answer to that as a woman is that 1) as a so-called strong, independent woman, I like a man to take control - at least in bed. 2) In this `taboo` context I can express my sexuality more freely than is expected of a woman in more 'normal' sex. I have sometimes had the feeling that lovers are taken aback by my passion/eroticism since women are meant to have a lesser sexual drive. Are men put off by women who take the lead in erotic love-making? What about men? What makes it more erotic? With the two guys I experienced it with I got the feeling that they were also getting even with the two women who had hurt them badly in the recent past. I also ask whether dirty talk is necessary for hard/ fast sex becuase this society has such a screwed up attitude to sex that we can only express our erotic sexuality as opposed to our 'loving' sexuality if we feel we are crossing over into the 'perverted'. Give me some feedback!!