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Everything posted by iflyboats

  1. The idea is utterly daunting and I don’t know how or what to do but I definitely agree with doing what’s in my best interest.
  2. I didn’t give every indication that I wasn’t interested in her. I gave mixed signals that I believe she rightfully took as representing timidity rather than disinterest. At this time it could not be much more clear that her level of attraction to me has fallen to an unsalvageably low level. It’s sad how bad I had to be to f*ck this up, because it started with her all but throwing her vagina at me a few months ago.
  3. I haven’t done anything other than what I recounted in my previous post. Based on the pattern of events, I strongly believe she silently rejected me two months ago and is no longer interested. As for dating other people, I’ve been so focused on her for the last seven months that I have no interest in other women for now. My normal prospects pale in comparison. This is going to be very hard to move on from.
  4. I screwed up and may have destroyed whatever relationship I still had with her. After two weeks without contact, last week I did several things that I’m concerned may have betrayed my feelings for her. One particularly painful morning, I knee-jerked into unfriending her on Facebook; a few hours later, I regretted severing my last connection to her, and sent her a friend request with an apology. I didn't explain that that the reason I unfriended her was that I don't want to accept a platonic friendship. When she asked whether I wanted to be her friend or not, all I could come up with was "I just want to stay connected on Facebook" and apologized again. She accepted. The following day she called me to let me know that a mutual friend had been severely injured and was in the ICU, and wanted me to drive in with her and two other people to visit her. I didn't want to, but decided to suck this one up for our friend and go in with them. It was a huge mistake, beyond painful. I was very distant the whole time and barely said anything. The day after that, she called and told me that she could get me a job at her new workplace. For context, our workplace closed down at the end of July, and most people including me got laid off, but she was transferred to another site at the same company. Six weeks prior, while we were still seeing each other, I had asked her to try to pull strings to get me a job at the new site, and she came through. I thanked her for doing this, but said I’d already lined up a new job and that “I’d rather smash my nuts with a hammer for 40 hours a week than work there again.” She took great offense and rescinded the offer even after I apologized. In my mind, I thought I was just being a smartass, but subconsciously there may have been some resentment over her rejection of me (yes I believe she rejected and "friendzoned" me) behind that remark. I texted her a deeper apology later and she never replied. I suspect that will be my last communication with her. Did my emotionally driven actions tell her that I still have strong feelings for her? Is there anywhere to go from here? I don't want to be friends, and she doesn't want to be romantically involved, so contacting her again seems inappropriate.
  5. In my case the girl did show interest at one point, but I think she’s since lost it and that I am now in the podcast person’s position. I don’t know how to approach finding out. My strategy was going to be to stay away from her for at least a few weeks before contacting her again (we’re now at one week with no contact). I also need to get my life together and get a job after being laid off. But once I’m able to do that, how would I approach her? “What happened before?” ”Are you still interested?” “Are you with anyone presently?”
  6. http://www.peikoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/2011-12-12.194_D.mp3 http://www.peikoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/2011-04-25.161_A.mpp3
  7. Not sure if this was the right decision, but today I asked her to remove me from the group text. Doing so will sever my main connection to her since she doesn’t talk to me 1-1 anymore. I hadn’t texted in there in a week, and people started asking where I was, so I had to take a stand. I lied every time I said I wanted to be friends.
  8. Would it be immoral to drive past her house to see if her car is there or if anyone elese’s is? She lives on s public road, so the act wouldn’t be illegal assuming I didn’t do it in a way that was harrassing, and it could provide valid clues about her relationship status; however, if she knew, she’d undoubtedly be creeped out, so I think it would be immoral.
  9. In my judgment, I’ve always felt like she should be out of my league. She’s smarter, wittier, much more experienced, a better conversationalist, and is stronger at work (we used to work together). I never understood why she liked me, but she actually did initiate everything and had to work on me for weeks to get me to go out with her. I was always way too timid around her, which I think is half the reason she lost interest. There was a clear offer of sex on the table a month ago, I didn’t have the balls to do anything, a week later she went cold on me, and since then I’ve acted like I’m okay with just being platonic friends. For the past few weeks she’s relegated me to being a member of her crew of former co-workers, whom she always hangs out with as a group which she leads. I can’t stand it. I have no interest in any of them except her. I still have no confirmation of anything but in the last week there’s been a change in her pattern consistent with her being with someone else after work on nights she doesn’t have her daughter. I believe she probably is, and yes it is very painful.
  10. I agree about not blaming her, but can you elaborate on how this jealousy is misplaced? It could have been me that she spent the weekend with but instead it was likely someone else over me because of some errors I made last month that caused her to lose interest. It was cool that this attractive, intelligent woman had been abstinent for over a year and at one point I was the one she wanted to end that with, but instead it ended up being someone else. Regret and missed opportunity. I've had a crush on her for months but let the opportunity slip. I am not saying any of it is her fault, but how are these feelings misplaced?
  11. Question along the same lines. Can a woman be attracted to/fall in love with an intellectually inferior man? Wasn’t Ayn Rand much more intellectually accomplished than Frank? How does that work if the woman is the stronger one?
  12. Last night my “friend” texted in our group text that she was considering a sexual encounter with someone else after some drinks. I don’t know whether she went through with it. I’ve don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like this, it’s the absolute worst feeling ever! A month ago we were going on dates and she was seriously talking about making me her conquest and ending her 14-month celibacy streak with me, then went cold on me the following week and has been treating me like a friend since. I've always been timid around her and stopped following up when she started showing that she was losing interest. Should I circle around one last time and ask her if she’s still interested? In case you can't tell, I have absolutely zero experience with women and she is the first person I've dated.
  13. I realize that intelligence is multifaceted, and that different individuals are good st different things, but some people clearly have talents far superior to those of others. Suppose the woman you want works on the same field and and rises faster and goes farther despite making less effort, and that she’s also wittier and a better conversationalist. She makes more, has more fiends, and attracts more interest from the opposite sex. Assuming you understand that these differences are genetic, would you be wrong to conclude that this woman is “out of your league?” Is it irrational to desire her in the first place?
  14. You don’t have infinite capacity for self-improvement. A woman could be out of your league for genetic reasons. But regardless, suppose the one you want is just not interested—should you try to stay friends?
  15. If you have a strong attraction to someone, should you accept a friendship if you believe she’s unattainable, and the only alternative is to delete her from your life? Does the strength of your feelings for her matter?
  16. OK, I have to come clean. This scenario is fictitious. Although I do have a reason for wanting insightful responses, I shouldn't have pretended that this is a real situation.
  17. I'm 30, my stepdaughter from my ex-marriage is 12, and I've been in her life for 11 years. She doesn't know her real father and considers me her dad. I divorced her mother a year ago, but I've stayed close to my stepdaughter, Skyping with her most days and seeing her usually at least a couple times a week. The divorce devastated her and I feel like sh*t about it, so I stayed on as her dad for HER sake to help get her through it. But for my own sake, I think I would benefit from breaking ties with my former family at this point. I don't want to deal with my ex at all, both her and I will date other people, and my stepdaughter will soon hit adolescence and put me through everything that that implies. It was fun when she was little, but I'm uncomfortable about the idea of being a parent to a teenage girl. Would it be evil of me to abandon her when I'm the only father figure she's ever known?
  18. And to clarify, I mean not the fact that in this situation, you're being denied the person you fancy, but that someone else has her. Is this envy?
  19. Thanks for the thoughtful reply, but I am not a believer in evolutionary psychology,
  20. When you have romantic feelings for someone, why is the awareness of him or her being with someone else so painful?
  21. I've had two sessions with a therapist who offers cognitive behavioral therapy, specifically rational-emotive behavioral therapy, and he seemed somewhat reasonable, but he recommended a book to me titled "Overcoing Destructives Beliefs, Feelings and Behaviors" by Albert Ellis which contains the following passages: There are several other statements, but those ones jump out at me as being particularly irrational. do you think I've gotten mixed up with a crackpot? Even if these aren't particularly important components of his belief system, I have reservations about someone who would give them any credibility.
  22. Should I trust a therapist whose office is decorated with dark, ugly non-objective art? i'm talking human-like figures contorted or depicted in bizarre, sometimes grotesque ways.
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