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The Power of Polarity in Romance
KevinD posted a topic in Relationships, Love, Sex, Romance(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.) In her book The Passion of Ayn Rand, Barbara Branden quotes from interviews she recorded with Rand about her life and career. Talking about her years as a teenager in Soviet Russia, Rand spoke of walking with a young man who made an indelible impression on her: "I don't remember the conversation on the way home, we just talked, nothing romantic. But he had a manner of projecting that he's a man and you're a woman and he's aware of it." "By the time I arrived home," Rand said, "I was madly and desperately in love."* (Years later, Rand would name one of the main characters of her novel We the Living — Leo — after him.) If there is a single idea which a man must grasp and master if he is to build a powerful romantic relationship with a woman, it's polarity. Polarity is the recognition of the fact that romance — at least heterosexual romance — is predicated on the existence of two sexes; there is male and female, man and woman, masculine/feminine. To a Leading Man, the fact of sex, and therefore of sexual differences, is an enormously good thing. We do all that we can to positively stress and to celebrate that women and men are not exactly identical in every way. Unfortunately, many men ignore, minimize or attempt to downplay sex differences. In their efforts to be respectful and "modern," they treat a woman they are romantically interested in as a buddy or pal. Instead of torrid passion, these men often find themselves caught in a tepid friendship. Polarity is essential to forming a deeply erotic connection with a woman. In romance, a woman wants & needs to be seen and experienced by a man as a woman — not merely as a person, and definitely not as a sexless neuter. To fall in love with a woman means falling in love with her feminine essence. It means being turned on by the challenge that her femininity poses to you. When polarity weakens in a relationship, things get boring. When it isn't there from the beginning, relationships often don't get off the ground. A sophisticated man is not threatened by sexual differences. He embraces, enjoys and appreciates them. To the man who understands romance, "I'm a man, you're a woman" isn't a put-down, nor does it represent an attempt to return to caveman days. It's a basic fact of reality, one which underlies and makes possible the most exciting kind of relationship between two human beings. *I have a number of misgivings about Ms. Branden, and I do not generally endorse her biography of Ayn Rand. However I have no reason to believe that this quotation is inaccurate. © 2013 Kevin Delaney
Join me on Sunday, October 20, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern for a free, live & interactive Webinar, held in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man. I'll discuss seven key principles of romantic/sexual seduction for men! RSVP now, and get instant access to a 3-page PDF of notes for the Webinar. Some of what we'll cover: ▪ The importance of a guiltless attitude toward sex. Why doubts, insecurities & hang-ups can be a man's worst enemies in seduction. ▪ Being a "sexual giver" — why you must focus on creating an outstanding feeling experience for a woman, not your own immediate gratification. ▪ The role of time in seduction. Seduction as a process which cannot be rushed. ▪ A quotation from a famous female author which reveals a profound longing shared by many women. ▪ The "abundance mindset" — and how to handle rejection with aplomb! This program is free to attend, however you must RSVP. As soon as you do, you'll be able to download the PDF. Go here to RSVP: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar I look forward to talking with you on Sunday! Please note: Although this program is directed primarily toward men, women are highly encouraged to attend & participate.
In romance, fantasy is more important than reality. Join me on Sunday, September 29, 2013 at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern for a free Webinar in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man, in which I'll talk about how a man can use the power of fantasy to create an exciting romantic connection with a woman, and rock her universe! Click here to RSVP for this FREE Webinar Some of what we'll cover: * The unbelievable turn-on power of words — how stories and poetic descriptions can stimulate a woman's imagination, activating her emotions like nothing else. * The staggering popularity of literotica/romance fiction among women, and what men can learn from it. * Sensual fantasy, as opposed to strictly sexual fantasy. * How to get into the pages of the novel inside her mind, and become her super-hero! It's free to attend this live & interactive discussion, however you must RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Arrive early, and be prepared to take lots of notes! Please note: Although the program is geared toward a male audience, women are highly encouraged to attend & participate.
The Art of Erotic Talk — Free Webinar Sunday 9/22
KevinD posted a topic in Events & AnnouncementsJoin me for a free Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog on Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern — all about the art of erotic talk! Click here to RSVP for this FREE online event What sexy visuals are to a man, the right words can be to a woman. In this live & interactive program, I'll talk about how a man can most effectively use language to activate a woman's imagination, access her fantasy life, and turn her on from the inside out. Some of what we'll cover: * The sacred relationship women have with words; why certain statements expressed at key moments can have an explosive effect. * Why it's not so much what you say, it's what you IMPLY that matters most. * How to raise the impact of your erotic talk by mastering poetry and metaphor. * Specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements which you can start putting to use immediately. When you understand the power of erotic talk, you have a potent tool for stimulating a woman’s mind and senses. Sign up, tune in, and take notes! RSVP here: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Please note: Due to the mature nature of this program, you must be 18 years of age or older to attend.
The Role of Egoism in Masculinity
KevinD posted a topic in Relationships, Love, Sex, RomanceHere's a clip from a Webinar I hosted in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man, in which I talk about two tweets I wrote on the nature of masculinity, and the role that egoism plays in what it means to "be a man" in romance: http://youtu.be/vCaCwzuJIGw (If you're unable to play the video, you can listen to the audio by clicking here.) Download the full Webinar here.
Free Webinar 9/1: A Few of My Favorite Tweets
KevinD posted a topic in Events & AnnouncementsJoin me on Sunday, September 1, 2013 for a live & interactive Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog, in which I'll talk about some of my favorite tweets I’ve written for the Leading Man Twitter feed. Go here to RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar The Webinar will start at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern. Every day, I send a message via Twitter pertaining to love, sex, dating, romance & relationships. Since Twitter limits you to just 140 characters, it’s often a challenge to put across a meaningful idea in so small a space. In this Webinar, I'll read a selection of these Tweets and expand on them. I'll share thoughts which are too difficult to put across in the limited format of Twitter, and answer any questions you have! Here’s a sampling of some of the Tweets I'll be discussing: "What does a woman want?" Impossible to answer in a short tweet, but here's a good start: A woman wants to FEEL. Women are FEELING addicts. Masculinity is not about acting macho, or role-playing the tough guy. It's about bringing genuine EGOISM to your sexual/romantic life. Inside a woman's mind is a romantic novel. Your mission is to infiltrate her fantasies & become the leading man in the story of her life! Beautiful women get grabbed & groped all the time. Be the opposite of these creeps — DO NOT TOUCH a woman you're not in a relationship with. Emotionally supporting a woman is not placing her on a pedestal; it's casting her in the spotlight & giving her the gift of your awareness. Genuine masculinity represents a challenge to a man: to do and be his BEST at all times in romance & sex. (Hence its extreme unpopularity!) The fact that you have feelings doesn't make you weak. However at times your emotions can make you a little bit stupid. Women admire a man who is busy, professional & has goals. Your CAREER must be your central value & main course in life — romance is dessert! Forget what you've heard in a million love songs: a high-caliber woman urgently wants to meet the man who can — and does — live without her. A man who hasn't taken the time to learn about romance is like a CEO who doesn't understand business trying to run a company. A Leading Man brings a lot of imagination to romance, to dating, to sex. He's like an artist — always looking to create something exciting! The Webinar is free to attend, however you must RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar
A problem with attraction
aestheticvirtues posted a topic in AestheticsI am new to these forums but I have followed them for a while and I've been studying Objectivism for longer. I (may?) have a problem, and I'm interested to hear some opinions on it. I am a gay male youth. My problem is with attraction. I am attracted to a particular 'look' and it is creating a problem with my sex life. The particular fashion I like is 'emo'. The fascination is almost a fetish. I like men with long hair, preferably covering one eye, and feminine features. There are several reasons this is a problem for me. The first is that I do not commonly meet rational people with this fashion. As a generalization, I've found that most 'emo' guys are irrational and childish. I mean no offense to any such people reading this. This ties in with another reason this attraction is a problem for me. It is an unsustainable attraction. Men will not always look youthful, and long hair on them tends to look worse with age, with some exceptions. But universally, the feminine look disappears from a man's features with age as well. So if I tried to hold this type of man as my aesthetic ideal in a romantic partner, it would necessarily disappear in a few years. Obviously I wouldn't find my partner suddenly unattractive, but the ideal I had would cease to be represented very quickly. This is also a problem psychologically, as personality-wise, I am entirely and only interested in men who act...like men. It is very common for a 'girly' looking man in the gay community to act as feminine or more so than he looks. But I am totally un-attracted to such personalities. I am interested in an ideal man, according to the standards of Objectivism. I wonder if it is even possible for such an ideal man in personality to value the look I am interested in physically. I wonder if that would constitute a contradiction in his aesthetic philosophy, and if such a contradiction and its implications would be acceptable to me. If you are interested, or consider it relevant: I myself am not a 'girly' gay man either. This creates a problem in my current relationship. I am dating a man who I consider to be very attractive, but he is not the ideal I spoke of. He dislikes the 'emo aesthetic' in fashion. He has a more mature fashion taste. I do not feel this issue of mine is placing any kind of strain on my relationship with him, but it does provide an external temptation when I see such men. And I wonder if he might become resentful with my attraction to that look and his inability or unwillingness to fit it. This attraction of mine has also created a derivative problem in my psyche. I want to look this way. I am interested in growing my hair longer, and wearing unique fashions which some would probably consider childish. This derivative issue has its own attached problems. I can't really grow my hair out like I want it. I don't have the hair for it to begin with, and I am already losing my hair in the front unfortunately. Barring miraculous hair regeneration therapies, I will not be able to look the way I want to. Secondly, even if I were able to grow my hair to look how I wanted, and I'd want to dye it crazy colors as well, it would look very unprofessional to employers. I am in the middle of college, trying to find part time work, and even once I graduate, I'll need to find a job. I doubt employers would give a fair first impression to a man with long purple hair. These two major problems have had detrimental effects on my self esteem recently. I feel like since I cannot achieve this aesthetic ideal, I will never be satisfied with how I look. So I have several questions regarding these issues. Is the value of an 'emo' look a rational one? Are there solutions to individual problems that I am not seeing? Should I attempt to forcibly change my own aesthetic ideals? Is there a contradiction between an ideal man and an aesthetic ideal of more 'feminine' features? I welcome any other comments. Please feel free to be as blunt as you desire in your responses, I welcome criticism, but please respect that this is a personal problem. Thank you.
What We're Up AgainstIt's sex. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120202093836.htm (Men do good deeds when women are watching) I have long believed that most irrational human behavior exists in the social realm, and is primarily driven by women. If the above study is accurate, it raises two questions. 1) Is a liberal sexual attitude really more conducive to rational behavior than the alternative, or does it in fact encourage non-rational motives, creating an environment driven by irrational rules? 2) Does the fact that women are more consistent in their 'altruism' than men, who apparently reserve their best deeds for proving their worth as a mate, imply that the majority of women are inherently undeserving of rational affection? In other words, can we ever hope to live in a rational society while women retain the sexual influence they presently have over men? Is there an argument to suggest that civilization has previously been aided by robbing women of this power on both fronts of female liberality as well as overall suppression of sexual behavior?