(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men — The Leading Man.)
Imagine a giant checkerboard, with squares large enough to comfortably stand on.
Each of the squares is labeled. One is marked “Complexity.” Another: “Confusion.”
Others: “Weirdness,” “Mixed Messages,” “Inconsistent Behavior.”
In the upper-left corner of the board is a square marked “Ambivalence.” The square adjacent says “Ambiguity.”
In the lower right: “Drama.”
These squares represent factors which make romantic relationships impossible, and which deprive men of their sanity.
However, there’s a “safe square” located directly in the center of the checkerboard. It’s marked Simplicity.
The rules of the game are — appropriately enough — simple: Your mission is to stand solidly on the Simplicity Square at all times, never venturing so much as a toe beyond its borders.
Do this consistently, and you will win. Your prize will be self-respect. You will have earned the security of mind that comes with knowing that you are acting in a manner appropriate to your nature as a man.
Step off the Square, and you will suffer. You’ll become disempowered, diminished, and your dealings with the opposite sex will likely bring disappointment.
Any woman will tell you that she doesn’t want a weak man. What she might neglect to mention is the extent to which weakness in men _ repels _ her. If she is like most women, she is turned off and disgusted by a man who is pliable, easily dominated, who can be manipulated, swayed and controlled.
The idea of male strength is so essential in a woman’s mind, that she will run tests on a man to determine whether or not he is a henpecked husband in training. (Or, if he is married, whether or not he has become one.)
All of a woman’s tests involve the effort to persuade a man, in one way or another, to step off of the Simplicity Square — to accept confusion, complication, complexity and weirdness as if these were normal.
At some point in a romantic relationship, you can be certain that a woman will:
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Raise a bizarre accusation, with the purpose of seeing if she can get you to defend yourself against it.
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Attempt to incite an argument, to find out whether you can be suckered into fighting with her.
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Try to change plans initiated and created by you, often at the last minute, effectively assuming control and placing herself into the dominant position in the relationship.
A woman’s task in these moments is to try to make things complicated — to confound and agitate you, with the goal being to provoke you into reacting to her out of fear. Your job is to stand solidly on the Simplicity Square, politely declining all invitations to engage in unusual behavior, and calmly refuse to become embroiled in interpersonal conflict with her.
When you stand your ground in this manner, you maintain your dignity, and retain your personal power. This causes an extraordinary thing to happen inside of a woman: she experiences an erotic charge relative to you — the inevitable emotional reaction of her efforts to create drama _ , _ colliding with your backbone.
This won’t make every woman fall in love with you. Some will decide that you are an inflexible chauvinist; the Erotic Charge will become converted into angry resentment. (A meaningful connection with this type of woman is impossible, so you’ll have to let her go.)
A masculine man succeeds in his life, in large part due to his commitment to the principle of simplicity in all areas. Outstanding women applaud this, and are drawn to it.
Regardless of how a woman might act at times, at the end of the day she wants a man with the courage to _ keep things simple. _
A good woman desires a man for whom the Simplicity Square is his home, and she longs to stand solidly on it beside him.
© 2012 Kevin Delaney
