Oooh, I found this precious list of quotes from Dr. House. The names after each quote is the name of the chapter.
Dr. Foreman is black, and has a criminal record from his teenage years. Dr. House has a walking cane, and is addicted to painkillers.
Cameron - “If it’s cancer, he can’t pitch again. If this was a regular guy who broke his arm lifting a box you’d pack him up and send him home.”
House - “My God, you’re right. I lost my head. All life is equally sacred. And I promise you, the next knitting injury that comes in, we’re on it like stink on cheese.”
“Foreman, how are you fixed for cash? Steal any cars lately?”
Lola - "Even if real human contact is something you don’t have, or even want, or need, you should at least be able to see it in other people.
House - “Right. True love. That’s just how we match organs these days. There’s a couple in France, high school sweethearts, they’re trading brains.”
“Let me talk to shipping. I speak their language. Foul.”
Cuddy - “You know, there are other ways to manage pain.”
House - “Like what? Laughter? Meditation? You got a guy that can fix my third chakra?”
“You always trust me. It’s a big mistake.”
House to Foreman: “Go check out the 'hood, dog.”
Foreman - “A tuberculoma doesn’t give you a temperature of 105.”
Chase - “Then it’s a tuberculoma and something else.”
Wilson - “The ‘something else’ is going to melt her brain.”
House - “Poach. Better metaphor.”
Foreman - “You assaulted that man!”
House - “Fine. I’ll never do it again.”
Foreman - “Yes you will.”
House - “All the more reason this debate is pointless.”
House - “That paralysis thing. Guy can’t walk for two years, nobody knows why. It seems mildly interesting.”
Cuddy - “Forget his paralysis.”
House - “Tell that to the rest of his bowling team.”
“Like I always say, there’s no ‘I’ in team. There’s a ‘me,’ though, if you jumble it up.”
“I’m extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.”
Dr. House - “I assume ‘minimal at best’ is your stiff upper lip British way of saying ‘no chance in hell.’”
Chase - “Actually, I’m Australian.”
Dr. House - “You put the Queen on your money, you’re British.”
Patient’s mother - “Who are you?”
Dr. House - “I’m the doctor who’s trying to save your son. You’re the mom who’s letting him die. Clarification. It’s a beautiful thing.”
Dr. House - “Mr. Adams, would you step outside for a moment?”
Adams - “Why?”
Dr. House - “Because you irritate me.”
“Candy canes? Are you trying to mock me?”
“Don’t worry. Many women learn to live with this parasite. My own mother, for example. Forty-five years and she only complains about it now from time to time.”
Dr. House - “How are we doing on cotton swabs today? If there’s a critical shortage, I could run home.”
Dr. Cuddy - “No you couldn’t.”
Dr. House - “Nice.”
“Her leg hurts after running six miles. Who knows? Could be anything.”
Dr. House - “Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair.”
Patient - “What?!”
Dr. House - “You’re orange, you moron. And it’s one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn’t picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors, she’s just not paying attention.”
“Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable.”