Stories of Spirit

[Old Geezer]

I have been particularly struck by snippets people have left on this forum...

about overcoming adversity, confronting evil etc....

and bragging, when well earned, is respectable within an objectivist social context.

If you got em, Id love to hear em.

[dondigitalia]

My story would probably be applicable under the "How did you get here?" thread as well, but to me it's a story of the self-induced destruction and rebirth of my own spirit.

Some background info before I start: My parents only married b/c my mother was pregnant with me and divorced sometime around my 1st birthday. My mother married an alcoholic who used to beat her. After 4 years, she divorced him as well and sunk into her own pit of alcoholism and drug abuse. My grandmother came to our house one day and discovered my mother passed out from some kind of binge, after which she made arrangements with my father (whom I had almost no contact with up until this point) for him to take custody of me. Shortly after, my mother estranged herself from the family. My father was career-military and had been remarried to a woman with 4 children of her own.

Now onto the story:

Growing up, I was not allowed to have my own opinions (to the point that I was punished, often physically, for any display of autonomy of thought). My father's military experience denied him of independent thought, so he shifted that denial over to me. I was an overachiever (good grades, lots of awards for performing arts & mathematics, extremely high test scores, etc.). My stepsiblings were chronic underachievers. Because of this, my stepmother resented my intelligence and perseverance(sp?), and she made an active effort to prevent my achievement. My father openly acknowledged her actions, but refused to aid me in combatting it. I left their house @ 17 years old, still in high school, and rented the basement of a coworker on my part-time high school wage (I did paste-up @ the local newspaper). I graduated high school in the top tenth of my class.

I was all set to go attend Syracuse, where I was being given a $12,000/year scholarship to study Voice. I had made arrangements with my father for him to help with the rest of the money I needed to pay for school. The *Wicked Stepmother* (such a cliche), coerced my father into withdrawing his support on the grounds that I would "never amount to anything with a degree in music." It was too late for me to have any hope at finding my own funds to attend school in the fall (or at least I had no idea how to go about obtaining them).

It was then that I started my downfall. I was depressed. I tried to evade my depression in two ways: 1. Drugs & Alcohol; 2. Work.

At the newspaper, I learned the basics of graphic design & prepress and eventually left for a higher paying job with a printing company. I continued to get promotions and raises, but continued my hedonistic, self-destructive activities as well. My poor health choices led to a 100 lb. weight gain.

One day, I learned some things about my father (far too personal to put up to a public forum), and chose to estrange myself from him. Around the same time, my boss physically struck me in response to an error I made. I left my job.

At this point my primary values were getting fucked up, selling drugs, & meaningless sexual encounters.

So there I was, drugged out & unemployed, living in a huge house with a bunch of other drugged out young adults. My life was a wreck. I took a step outside of myself and thought, "What am I doing to myself?"

I began dating a woman who had no social aspirations whatsoever. Looking back, I realize I used her company as an alternative to going to raves and doing drugs. I abandoned my roommates and accepted an invitation to stay on a friend's couch closer to the city, rent free, while I picked myself back up. I got another job doing graphic design. I would get up @ 5 o'clock every morning and take a 2 hour train/bus ride to work, and take the same 2 hour train/bus ride back. After a few weeks, I was able to get an apartment.

My sole companion in these days was the socially inept girlfriend I mentioned before. She loved me. I thought I loved her. I continued work my ass off and learn as much as I could about the art & science of printing. I was finally on my way to making something of myself.

I made a resolution to lose the 100 lbs. I gained during my "dark years." I succeeded. I'd had lots of victories over others in the past, but this was the first one I ever had over myself. This was the turning point that made me realize that I am the master of my own destiny; that my fate is not determined by unfavorable circumstances; that with enough perseverance, any obstacle can be overcome. It was the birth of my new self, and the beginning of my Objectivist beliefs, although it would be a couple of years before I was able to identify them as such.

I used my newfound empowerment to solve every major problem I had with my life, one by one. I advanced in my profession by no other means than my own ability and dedication to hard work, the one true value I learned from my father. I was making $60K/year on a high school diploma. I reformed my financial situation and rebuilt my social life, this time with more constructive peers.

By this time, I was living with the aforementioned girlfriend. I can't really say if she regressed while I progressed or if she remained static while my endeavors enabled me to surpass her, but at some point I realized that I did not value her. She had been nothing more than a means to reach the end of my own growth. This was my final sin.

I set her free. She was devistated. Throughout all of these years, my relationship with her is the only thing I regret. Not because of her, but because of what I did to her. The rest was a tremendous learning experience that I wouldn't change for anything. Without it I would not be anything that I am today.

I made to myself the same oath that the character's of "Atlas Shrugged" made, although not in the same words. Mine were, "I will never allow myself to be used by anyone, nor will I ever use anyone again." Over the next year, I read tons of books (mostly Philosophy and Science Fiction), and spent a great deal of time developing a code of ethics for myself that adhered to this oath, and that my experiences had taught me would ensure the maximum quality of life it would be possible for me to attain.

A friend recommended I read Atlas Shrugged. Knowing what kind of ethics I lived by, he was astounded I had never read any of Ayn Rand's books. Reading her books was like being introduced to myself for the first time. I can't even put into words the relief I felt at realizing there were others out there who believed as I do.

Through all of this I learned one major lesson: The lesson of Pride. And it was worth every hardship along the way.

P.S. My journey of personal improvement is by no means over. I am currently taking steps to go back to school, where I plan to study Cosmology.

[Concerto of Atlantis]

That was one of the most inspiring things I have ever read.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Apprentice]

He's right--that was really inspiring. Congratulations to you for overcoming such obstacles It's always good to hear stories of people actually doing such things--too many people would have us think that it can't be done!

[Old Geezer]

Wow....

This one isn't as inspiring its kinda fun though....

I was with My Girlfriend one time in New Orleans she had her purse stolen with both our ID's, all our money, and the keys to her locked car (with our "emergency money" in it)

we had to wait until we could get a spare set of keys sent from her sister by mail, and we had no food, no money, no ID, no car, and no clue about the city.

We went door to door in the pooring rain to just about every establishment in the French Quarters looking for work, any work, to pay us money. Quite literally all we had was the shirt on oour backs.

Finally we convinced an owner of a bar to hire her as a cocktail waitress and me as a bouncer (my stature is not exactly Bounceresque, and she had no clue about drinks but she learned pretty fast that night)

It was the best date I ever had. things like that bring strength to a relationship like you would never believe.