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The Role of Humor & Playfulness in Romance

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Here's an excerpt from a Webinar I hosted recently for men, in which I talked about the role of humor and a playful attitude in romance.

In the segment, I discuss how a man can create a relaxing context for a woman, so that she can detach from the stress of her life: (3 minutes)

http://youtu.be/-a834CC7BFc

Light, funny, humurous. After a long day of work that's the last thing I would want, although I'm a man (don't know why women would be different).

As for my woman, who works very hard, I don't think she wants me to focus on cutting up with her and humoring her. She wants me to be myself, she enjoys me. Maybe humor is involved, maybe serious discussion about her work or my work or anything in general. Why does there need to be some program for dealing with your lover? Isn't that the point of a lover, for it to be a natural, fundamental bond? Wouldn't that entail all sorts of possibilities, some expect to laugh their asses off, some may expect to cry, some may expect to brood, some may expect to silently stare off into space, etc.?

Also, you forgot the most relaxing acitivty, which definitely shouldn't require a bunch of artificial, planned nonsense: sex.

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Although a good deal of what KD says has basis in reality, I get irritated with the sexist presentation. Maybe he talks this way because it is geared towards younger guys. When he says "Women Want" or "Women Need" I immediately ask "Is this a reasonable generalization" "Does this just apply to women, or to both sexes?" In the end KD makes women sound really neurotic and codependent.

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When he says "Women Want" or "Women Need" I immediately ask "Is this a reasonable generalization" "Does this just apply to women, or to both sexes?"

Well, is it and does it?

Which of my generalizations do you apparently find unreasonable, to the point of publicly calling my presentation sexist?

Many psychological needs are indeed shared by both men and women, however they can be experienced by each in somewhat differing ways.

In the end KD makes women sound really neurotic and codependent.

A woman in love might seem that way to a man, but that's only because we are different; our emotional makeup is not the same.

I'm very much out to blast the notion that women are irrational and/or "crazy" — a view widely held by men, and tragically internalized by many women.

Ayn Rand was correct: The essence of femininity is hero worship. Only once we stop hating and fearing this fact, and take the time to understand its meaning, can we become truly romantically/sexually sane.

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I'm very much out to blast the notion that women are irrational and/or "crazy" — a view widely held by men, and tragically internalized by many women.

I disagree that the notion that women are irrational is "widely held by men." Perhaps the men that you've known and have been hanging out with think that, but it doesn't represent the men that I've known.

Ayn Rand was correct: The essence of femininity is hero worship. Only once we stop hating and fearing this fact, and take the time to understand its meaning, can we become truly romantically/sexually sane.

Who is "we"? You and your friends? Why are you trying to characterize others' disagreement with Rand's opinion on femininity as hateful and fearful? Why the drama? Isn't it possible that there are people who disagree with her opinion without having the emotional investment that you assign to them? Isn't it possible that there are people who know much more about the issue than you do, and that they have rational, informed opinions? You really do come across as defensive and bordering on hysterical when implying that your views represent romantic/sexual sanity where those who disagree with you must be motivated by insane hatred and fear. Talk about 'poisoning the well'!

J

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Who is "we"? You and your friends?

"We" is society; we as a culture.

Modern academic feminists, for example, despise hero worship and do all that they can to obliterate it. Many of them have probably never heard or read Ayn Rand's ideas on the subject.

You can't wipe out an emotion completely, of course, so these intellectuals often aim for the next closest thing: Get women (and men) to regard it as a shameful weakness.

Isn't it possible that there are people who know much more about the issue than you do, and that they have rational, informed opinions? You really do come across as defensive and bordering on hysterical when implying that your views represent romantic/sexual sanity where those who disagree with you must be motivated by insane hatred and fear.

People who slime me as "sexist" are not putting forth rational or informed opinions. They are simply venting their resentment toward what I have to say, and what I stand for in this area.

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"We" is society; we as a culture.

I don't accept your unsupported assertions about what "we" as a culture are. Nor do I find your attempts to label anyone who disagrees with any of your opinions to be "fearful," "hateful," "irrational," or "insane." Your attempts at bullying and intimidation are having the opposite of their intended effect on me.

People who slime me as "sexist" are not putting forth rational or informed opinions.

Huh? Who has "slimed" you as "sexist"? I certainly haven't. All that I've done is to question your tactics of negatively and unfairly framing others' positions and attempting to smear and intimidate anyone who disagrees with your unsupported assertions.

They are simply venting their resentment toward what I have to say, and what I stand for in this area.

I think you'd do better if you were to avoid the frantic psychologizing. It's really sad that you jump to such conclusions about others without actually knowing anything about them. You can't know what others think, or why they think it, just because you have strong feelings about their potentially disagreeing with your opinions. I'm not "resentful" toward what you have to say, but have simply and politely asked some questions. If you're that touchy and self-unaware, and that bad at diagnosing my state of mind, it's no wonder that you have such a distorted view of what "we" in society and the culture believe.

J

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