Shielding Pain

[Saraswathi]

I am often confused when faced with some disppointment which is due to something that cannot be changed by me as to whether to grieve it or shield the pain because there isn't anything I can do about it anymore and dwelling on it might prevent me from finding some better alternative.For eg., say some attemt to get something did not work,apart from correcting my mistakes I cannot help feel bad that the failure had happened.If the corrections have been understood there is actually no point regretting things.And the scenarios in which the source of disappointment is another person or something out of my control apart from focussing on what I CAN change or achieve is it better to shield myself from the pain or to yield in and if so to what extent so as not to lose control.They say that things may happen to us,it is our attitude that determines how we take it.So should I dismiss what is not rationally obtainable or to open up to the negative feelings becuase the disappointment is real?

[BurgessLau]

If I have understood you correctly, you want to know what to do when you fail. Is that correct? If so, then I would suggest the following, and you can ask questions or make comments to carry the discussion further.

Step 1: Mr. A sets a goal.

Step 2: Mr. A works toward the goal, but fails to reach it on the first try. He feels some disappointment. He does not suppress or repress the emotion, but uses it as fuel.

Step 3: Mr. A re-examines the goal -- Is it objective? He re-examines his plan of achievement and his methods -- Are they objective?

Step 4: If the answers are "yes," then he tries again, with a better approach, if he has found one.

Step 5: Having tried everything he could, Mr. A still fails. He lets the disappoint flow through him. Emotions always come to an end. He accepts the fact that, for now at least, he can't reach that particular goal. He feels complete serenity knowing he tried everything he knew how to do.

Step 6: Mr. A concentrates on achieving his other goals in life, thus working always towards happiness.

P. S. -- If you place one or two spaces after a period (that ends a sentence), your post will be easier to read. Likewise, if you break your message logically into paragraphs, your message will be much easier to understand.

Edited October 5, 2005 by BurgessLau

[Saraswathi]

He feels some disappointment. He does not suppress or repress the emotion, but uses it as fuel.

He lets the disappoint flow through him. Emotions always come to an end.

P. S. -- If you place one or two spaces after a period (that ends a sentence), your post will be easier to read. Likewise, if you break your message logically into paragraphs, your message will be much easier to understand.

Thank you for the reply.My question was about the phases when Mr.A has understood what improvements have to be made or finally has to acknowledge that he has done his best and can expect no longer from that goal.

From your post I understand that one should both,think objectivelyand behave accordingly as well as allow feelings to surface while doing what one has decided is right .

Essentially I needn't shield my feelings but control my behaviour.

Thanx for pointing it out.I will try to improve.

Edited October 5, 2005 by Saraswathi