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  1. Good point, and I'll ask a question that takes it a step further. You say that he is willing to learn about O'ism in order to understand you, and that there are many things you do like about him. That sounds almost as perfect as you could get in a non-O'ist. So what if he was perfect in EVERY way, except for his unwillingness to embrace O'ism? Would you still have this demillia? Or is this the only problem you have? If this is the only problem you have with him, then I have to ask where the problem is. He seems to be bending over backwards to try to understand you on your term
  2. You have already taken the hardest, and most important step. Keeping his secret is what is at the root of this problem. By continuing to stay silent, you had allowed him to continue to act in abusive ways. By staying silent, you allowed him power over you, and that kept the fear of the threats he made a strong and personal emotion. By bringing it up, you begin to break this down. You take control of you, and in doing so put an end to the fear. By taking action you remove his control over you, and let go of the guilt. The guilt you feel is not guilt over what happened. You were powerl
  3. Mostly. My answer to you will be in parts, as I see several things here. First, as long as everything is completely honest, and you are sure that he understands your feelings, then there is no contradiction. You are doing what you need to do in order to be happy with him. True that the actions are unusual, but your reasoning behind them looks to be valid. Therefore I have to say that you are in the right there. Second, I am concerned with the draining/wear and tear you talk about. I find that most arguments are wonderful learning experiences. If you are suffering over them, you n
  4. By being true to your artwork and the meaning it has for you. No one has ever understood my poetry, regardless of how many people I show it to. Regardless, I write what I feel compelled to write, when I feel such, regardless of what other readers do. Some put in metaphor where none was intended, while others do not look for the meanings in each part, but they simply take it as a trivial and pointless whole. Your artwork has meaning to you. Keep a journal. Write down the meanings of each piece. This way, when your artwork does become recognized for it's uniqueness, you can look back a
  5. Very true. You should not rush into anything, less you make mistakes in what you are trying to comprehend. Take your time, and know that it is always your choice. Read more about O'ism, so you can see what makes sense. Read about your old religion, so you can see what does not. Come to your own conclusions, and live life for yourself, for your reasons. But the most important part is that you get out there and make your life worth living for yourself. People who do that find that they have no fear of death or anything beyond that.
  6. To your OP Myself: -- There is no proof that they do. -- This varies based on the unique relationship (or lack thereof) between the two people in question. My father is emotionally detached, but extremely rational. My mother puts her emotions and those of the people she cares about before all other criteria, barring only logic and reality. Thus the things I have learned from them are vastly different from each other. Meanwhile, my brother tried to kill me more than once before I was ever a teen. These experiences have helped shape whom I am, and for that I give them all thanks. (Eve
  7. I kenw a girl who knew nothing about O'ism, and had a truly sad life, filled with both self inflicted pain, and pain caused by others (often when she was too young to stop it.) yet was able to keep her self esteem high by insisting to herself that every day she would find something to give herself an honest complement on. I have gotten some other people to do this, and those who hold to it also have shown better self esteem. But, as others here have already said, THEY have to be the ones to do it. You cannot do it for them.
  8. In general this is in line with what I have seen, both in relationships, and in neuroscience. (In college undergrad courses.) Emotional involvement in the act is one of the major factors in the power and time a biochemical response, (such as orgasm) is triggered within the brain, and therefore it makes sense that people who better understand the emotions that they have will have a better sex life. That said, it is not the only factor. Biology, mental health, emotional attachment to a partner, age, and past experiences will all play a part as well.
  9. bluecherry, I am having trouble understanding your OP. I am going to attempt to re-phrase it so that I can understand it better. Please correct any inaccuracies on my part, or if I am correct, please say so, this way myself and others can see about answering your question. You are in a relationship with another person, of a romantic and possibly sexual nature. You feel that you do not love this person, but you like him a lot, and feel that given time to understand each other better, you could be completely in love with him. Meanwhile he loves you already. This relationship has been goi
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