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Youth and (lack of) sex

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^^Maybe you should seek pschiatric help, this doesn't sound healthy at all. This part is particularly worrying "but not being able to experience what I consider one of the most important aspects of living an adult life is destroying me mentally."

I'm 22 and a virgin, there are plenty of guys out there in your position. Have you thought about distancing yourself from these people who seem to constantly brag about having sex? That seems to be where you're getting these ideas and views from.

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Perhaps sex is one of those things that can be looked at in a lighter manner after you've had it

You seem to have created something in your head about "sex" that has become a beast of its own. Once you become sexually active, it will become a normal part of life, and you will automatically deconstruct these big "demons" as your experiences become part of you.

If you leave college and miss the "sex fest," you will still have all the way until you die to have sex. It is your life, and you will be able to have all the sex you want, if you so choose.

Forget therapy, where the end goal is just going to be "get comfortable about sex," anyway. Find a nice girl who is in to you, and copy the movies: one thing leads to another, leads to another, leads to having fun in bed. Then have fun in bed, get your own experiences, and sex will become a normal, healthy part of your existence.

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You seem to have created something in your head about "sex" that has become a beast of its own. Once you become sexually active, it will become a normal part of life, and you will automatically deconstruct these big "demons" as your experiences become part of you.

ONCE I become sexually active, I won't have any concerns over this whatsoever. That was my point - that sex looks a lot different to those who've had it than it does to those who haven't.

If you leave college and miss the "sex fest," you will still have all the way until you die to have sex. It is your life, and you will be able to have all the sex you want, if you so choose.

Forget therapy, where the end goal is just going to be "get comfortable about sex," anyway. Find a nice girl who is in to you, and copy the movies: one thing leads to another, leads to another, leads to having fun in bed. Then have fun in bed, get your own experiences, and sex will become a normal, healthy part of your existence.

But it's not up to just me - if it were only my decision, I'd have had sex by now. The older I get, the more and more strange it will be for a woman to encounter a virgin. I'm afraid that my ability to lead a normal, fulfilling sex life is fading away because of how unhealthily long it's taken me to lose my virginity.

Peikoff said in a recent podcast that young people should be having sex; that nothing can replace the feeling that it provides; and that it is necessary in life. He said that he would even give up art over sex. According to most scientific evidence, however, I've only got a few years of my "sexual prime" left. Sure, I could be a virgin until I'm 38 and then have sex for the remainder of my life (perhaps another 38 years?) but I want to experience sex as most young people experience it too.

I'm a few months from my 21st birthday, attractive, well-dressed, a good student, and artistically-talented - and I walk home alone from parties every weekend. It's the most confusing thing in the world to me.

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ONCE I become sexually active, I won't have any concerns over this whatsoever. That was my point - that sex looks a lot different to those who've had it than it does to those who haven't.

But it's not up to just me - if it were only my decision, I'd have had sex by now. The older I get, the more and more strange it will be for a woman to encounter a virgin. I'm afraid that my ability to lead a normal, fulfilling sex life is fading away because of how unhealthily long it's taken me to lose my virginity.

Peikoff said in a recent podcast that young people should be having sex; that nothing can replace the feeling that it provides; and that it is necessary in life. He said that he would even give up art over sex. According to most scientific evidence, however, I've only got a few years of my "sexual prime" left. Sure, I could be a virgin until I'm 38 and then have sex for the remainder of my life (perhaps another 38 years?) but I want to experience sex as most young people experience it too.

I'm a few months from my 21st birthday, attractive, well-dressed, a good student, and artistically-talented - and I walk home alone from parties every weekend. It's the most confusing thing in the world to me.

Your seeming desperation is easily detectable by women, even if you're the most gentlemanly, considerate man on campus. There's nothing wrong with your desire to engage in such a normal, human activity. But wanting to have sex simply because you feel your age matters to the issue, simply because you need it to bolster your self-esteem (it seems), is not a valid reason for having sex.

Most easily stated, sex is a celebration between two people who have made a unique and irrefutable connection with each other. One-night stands are (presumably) easy, and lead to nothing that masturbation can't accomplish.

There's wisdom, however, in having shared values, common goals, united visions, and deep, enduring friendship with your partner before having sex. Sex cannot necessarily make love. But love can certainly lead to sex.

You're not Jephtha's daughter (Judges 11, Bible); you don't need to bemoan your virginity. Accept it as beautiful -- because it is! And save it until you have occasion to be with someone who is truly special, truly a gift to your life. Don't pawn that off on your notion of being young.

Those are my two cents.

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You know what? Here's a thought. If you seem like what you really want is SEX, just in general, SEX, as opposed to some person in particular, I'd imagine it could be quite the turn off to people in general. Your very desperation to just get sex can be why no actual individual person may want to do it with you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's a safe guess that even people who do casual sex still want there to be some element of attraction to them in particular involved as opposed to somebody doing it with them just because they're the first person to consent.

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Quickest way to get laid, guaranteed to work:

Go out where you know there will be a lot of women and start aproaching them. Tell them something like: "Hi ladies, I have this problem... it's a little embarassing, you see i'm a virgin and I need to get laid. Will you help me out?". Be persistent, prefferably in a humorous manner, and don't approach the next one until you've had three noes. Sooner or later you'll find someone willing to help you get rid of the problem(either personally or as your "wing-woman"). Just keep going until you succeed.

If it's just about getting laid, that's how simple it is. I'm not saying it's the best way, or that I actually think you should do it, but it should get the job done.

What I would suggest you do though, is to define more clearly what it is you want. Then you go out and talk to girls in order to find out wether they fit your criteria. Try to have as much fun as possible during the process. When you find someone you like, comment on the things you like about her and/or show it more physically. Hopefully you'll find someone a little more worthwhile than you would going straight for the getting laid part.

Also, get that stupid BS-thinking out of your head. Nothing good will ever come from that. What you need to do is some serious problem solving. This problem can be figured out and solved, if you focus your energy towards that instead of making this huge thing out of it that only makes you feel worse.

There are a ton of things that you might do wrong. Maybe you come across as desperate and insecure, or maybe you have a ton of oppurtunities in front of you without you even realizing it. It's hard to tell without knowing more. If you have a friend who's got what you want(no, not in THAT way), it's actually a very good idea to ask for advice.

Edited by Alfa
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I'm considering seeking psychiatric help over this issue, because it simply consumes more and more of my thoughts each day. I suppose my biggest concern is that I can't understand what I'm doing wrong, and what so many others are doing right. You can't just ask your friends these things. In fact, my friends assume I'm sexually-active. =/

Based on what you sound, seeking psychiatric help is going way overboard here. Have you had a romantic relationship with anyone, ever? Even if you have, the desire of yours might actually be a desire to have a meaningful romantic relationship which absolutely includes sex as part of that.

I have no difficulty talking with girls, and am even good friends with a few.

(Quoted from the first post) Are any of those friends someone who you might be interested in? And if so, have you mentioned it? If you haven't mentioned interest, why not? All I'm really pointing out here is that you might be taking absolutely no steps in even pursuing a relationship with someone.

Edited by Eiuol
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Even if what you are saying is true, the fact that romantic love is an integration sexual desire and love, and that rational person would not be able to feel the two apart, this wouldn't imply anything ethical.

All she was saying is that a rational and thus moral person would behave in a certain way. That this sort of behavior is an effect of previous decisions and only possile after a certain kind of character has been developed. For instance I consider the fact that a rational man would in fact be benevolent. It would not however make any sense to tell someone to go and be benevolent, as there is no ethical justification They could easily ask "how does this relate to my life being my standard of value" and I would not have an answer beyond "it is complicated". The benevolence is simply a product of a certain kind of character, it won't produce the good character itself.

So this leads me to coinclude that there is simply one good way to test this sort of theory, and that is to see if there are indeed rational people who do have sex with different standards than the one's that Ayn Rand was proposing. If there are, and that they suffer none of the ill consequences from it, then we can only conclude that Ayn Rand was wrong.

On the other hand, someone could actually attempt to argue why exactly approaching sexual promiscuity necessarily ( or even often) leads to some sort of ill affect that can not be avoided through safety practices ( so STDs and pregnancy don't count).

I could think of some dangers of the top of my head that I do think would give us some ethical prescriptions on the subject of sex. None of which I think exclude the sort of lifestyle JAKSN is choosing to live though.

For instance, trust and safety is a big issue. I know a person who once had a very terrible experience (sorry I can only opperate on anecdotes in this case) who chose to have sex with a man but was then forced to perform sexual acts that she wasn't interested in doing.

All I can learn from this however is that one should have sex with those that they know will respect them. That is also a good idea to not have sex under the influence of drugs, or at the very least understand before drink understand who it is you will be having sex with.

People also point out that sexual promsicuity is often a result (or so the stereotype goes) of some sort of personality disorder and an irrational way of dealing with a problem like low self esteem.

What we are really talking about here is someone trying to solve a psychological problem by drowning themselves in hedonism. This, in a very general sense, is done with just about everything pleasurable. We have people who eat too much sugar. We have people who chronically masturbate. We have people who smoke cannabis far too often. We have drunks. People who consume too much art for a sense of escapism.

The point I am trying to make with this list is the fact that sex is not special in its potential for absue. The root of this problem is evasion, evading a problem, or the lack of a solution for a problem, and then imagining that you are solving it or that it isn't a problem because of the activities that you have.

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For instance, trust and safety is a big issue. I know a person who once had a very terrible experience (sorry I can only opperate on anecdotes in this case) who chose to have sex with a man but was then forced to perform sexual acts that she wasn't interested in doing.

"Forced"? Was she raped? Or pressured into doing it? If the first it's really not relevant to this discussion. If the second, all it really does is show the need to be discriminating in ones choice of partners. In either case this doesn't help you make your case.

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"Forced"? Was she raped? Or pressured into doing it? If the first it's really not relevant to this discussion. If the second, all it really does is show the need to be discriminating in ones choice of partners. In either case this doesn't help you make your case.

Did you even read what I what I wrote?

That was my whole point (the second). You do in fact need to be discriminating in your choice of sexual partner. However it does not follow from this some requirement of romantic love.

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