Communication skills

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During a conversation, I sometimes realize that I'm not able to express my whole knowledge on a subject being discussed, unless I am prepared for it. Very often I also come up with a good answer to something only when the conversation is over because of this. This even happens when the conversation is not something one must be knowledgeable about (such as exchanging witty remarks or compliments, etc.)

What I'd like to know is if there is a way, and how to train myself to be able to come up with better than average responses (in any conversation) when the conversation is still on (rather than when it's over).

Also, I noticed I can sometimes discern how people are feeling about a topic from the choice of their words, their facial expression, their grimaces, or their gestures, or even the opinion which they are not willing to share with me from their goofs. However, I cannot incorporate this information into the conversation, because of, I think, the same reason as that of the above.

I think that being able to do this, it would be an invaluable asset to my communication skills, so if anyone has any hints on how I might go about improving myself in this aspect, I'd appreciate the help.

Thanks.

[BinniLee]

I have NLD so I have similar proplems.

Practice turning abstractation into concretes, observe the actions of other people and turn them into abstractations.

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Practice turning abstractation into concretes, observe the actions of other people and turn them into abstractations.

Can you please give a concrete real-life example of how to do this (particularly observing actions of others and turning them into abstractions)?

[DavidV]

It sounds like you have two issues: rapidly integrating your conversation partner's perspective, and grasping the subtleties of social interaction.

In both cases, your social skills depend on a combination of social intelligence and skill development. I think the best thing to do is to take a proactive approach and engage in many original social situations. You can also learn by example from books and movies, but I don't think it's nearly as effective.

For example, I had severe stuttering problems from early childhood and into college, and as a result, I was very shy. So I joined the speech and debate team and now lead a philosophy discussion group, and as a result, I've resolved both issues.

[BinniLee]

Can you please give a concrete real-life example of how to do this (particularly observing actions of others and turning them into abstractions)?

Rationalize your impression of a person.

[JMeganSnow]

Learn how to listen. I recommend reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People" (I think that's the book) because the author has a good section on how to listen. You can buy yourself a lot of time in a conversation by asking people to clarify what they have said, and the more you understand what they are saying the better-prepared you are to take it on.

I notice this a lot when I listen to, say, radio shows where it's clear the participants are talking past each other because they're more determined to make their own points than to understand the other participant's points.

Don't worry about coming up with clever rhetoric. Concentrate on sticking to the facts and presenting them clearly.

I'm terrible at this because I always want to "participate" in a conversation by throwing in my own similar experiences etc. This is a no-good way to listen because it tends to derail people and you're thinking about what their words mean in terms of yourself rather than what their words mean literally. Anyway, read the book, it's pretty good.

[source]

Learn how to listen. I recommend reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People" (I think that's the book) because the author has a good section on how to listen.

Is this the book? http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effect...0813&sr=8-1

You can buy yourself a lot of time in a conversation by asking people to clarify what they have said, and the more you understand what they are saying the better-prepared you are to take it on.

This seems like a great advice. Thanks.

I think the best thing to do is to take a proactive approach and engage in many original social situations.

I see what you mean, and I've already tried doing so. What prevented me many times, however, was exactly this inertia I have in social situations, when I can't come up with things to say as quickly as the conversation might require.

However, I think JMeganSnow's advice can be useful here.

Thank you both.

[JMeganSnow]

That's the book. It's worth reading in any case.