Jump to content
Objectivism Online Forum

Anger management

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

Here's a topic I thought i'd never make. I'm usually calm and collected, and if I loose my temper I still keep it under control. Lately though, some events have brought me to righteous anger of biblical proportions. If I don't get a hold of myself this could in turn damage my relationships with some people.

I don't wish to go into any detail about the actual events. It's too complex and rather irrelevant. In short though, because of incompetence and bureaucracy I could be loosing my job soon. Not because of anything i've done. On the contrary, i'm extremely good at what I do and appreciated by everyone I work with. However, i'm getting screwed by incompetent bosses and bureaucratic management. It's nothing personal against me, i'm just the guy taking the consequences of their mess.

I love my job so this is very important to me, which is also why i'm so furious. I intend, of course, to take this as far up in the hierarchy as I have to - hopefully finding someone that can be reasoned with.

To do this though, I need to keep my head clear. And hell, yesterday I was pretty much reading my boss the riot act and issuing orders. Not very diplomatic, though he's one less obstacle in my way.

The problem is when dealing with others. I need to keep my head clear even if they give me trouble. But, how do I do that? I mean, hell, just thinking about some of the things makes me shake and want to rip someones head off. And that's pretty darn bad if you want someone to listen and convince them of how good you are.

So, do you have any good advice to offer? How do you handle situations like this? Should I try meditation or horse tranquilizers, or what? ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The very, very short version is to broaden the context which you keep on the front of your mind, and shut up around your bosses until they are happy about the "level" which you maintain shutting up.

Going over bosses' heads is a dangerous, job threatening game no matter how great their incompetence. Remembering your job within the grander scope of things, and how incompetence eventually falls flat on its face, should get and keep you a little calmer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to have rages, but I was a teenager haha. I am in general a very spirited person who is quick to anger, but I have almost never exploded in front of or snapped at an authority figure in public. This I suppose, is due to the fact that my anger changes to fear and shame because I just learned not to be that way when I was little, but I can see how this would be different for a man. If I were you, I would just remind myself of what's at stake (reputation I suppose), and what I would really get out of showing my anger. Try to separate yourself from the job since you know you will get laid off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The very, very short version is to broaden the context which you keep on the front of your mind, and shut up around your bosses until they are happy about the "level" which you maintain shutting up.

Going over bosses' heads is a dangerous, job threatening game no matter how great their incompetence. Remembering your job within the grander scope of things, and how incompetence eventually falls flat on its face, should get and keep you a little calmer.

Sounds like good advice, thank you! I'll take some time to think about the broader context, and reconsider my attitude.

In this case I might add that going over my bosses head is the reason why I still have my job. The short version of it is like this:

I'm back with an employer i've had several times in the past. I've always loved working there, and they've loved having me. However, there have been different things coming in the way of a more permanent contract - a question of timing, more than anything else. This time though, the timing was right and I made it very clear to my (new) boss that I wish to stay after my contract runs out. The answer I get from my boss is that he would love to have me stay there, but unfortunately they have deals with the union saying that they need to have a formal recruiting process, where everyone can apply for the job. The next time for that would be a few months ahead.

Just before my contract ran out I learned that it wasn't quite as i've been told. And to add insult to injury they were taking in a bunch of new guys, people who are not even dry behind the ears and whos mistakes i've been fixing for months. I don't think it was out of dishonesty I got that answer from my boss, but simply because he doesn't understand the rules. There are in fact obstacles like a formal recruiting process in the way. However, they could have extended my current contract. My boss should also have talked to the guys higher up in the hierarchy, but since he failed to report they were completely taken by surprise when I talked to them and showed interest.

When I found out I went straight to one of the executives and my bosses boss. The next day I had an extended contract, they put me on an additional training program and I was told that at the end of this they would have a very informal recruiting pretty much intended to get me in.

I was very happy about this until I found out they changed the deal. As it looks right now they would rather take in new people than me. I don't quite fit their profile, despite the fact that i'm performing superlatively, and the first step of the recruiting process is done by external consultants who won't consider any references(i.e the fact that I have an excellent track record is not worth sh*t in their eyes).

This friday I confronted my boss with this. When confronted he was cringing, couldn't look at me, and gave his standard answer whenever something important comes up; "Oh, um... i'll have to look into this, but you know I have so many things to do so I don't know when i'll have the time...". I made it very clear that I expect him to do his job and that I want answers yesterday. I don't think we will be friends anymore. It's fine with me, though I do wish things will go smooth.

What i'm going to do now is to deal with the others. So far i've gotten a very positive impression of them, so i'm hoping it will be smooth and uncomplicated. I just need to be careful not to take out my frustration on them, and handle any problems calmly.

I used to have rages, but I was a teenager haha. I am in general a very spirited person who is quick to anger, but I have almost never exploded in front of or snapped at an authority figure in public. This I suppose, is due to the fact that my anger changes to fear and shame because I just learned not to be that way when I was little, but I can see how this would be different for a man. If I were you, I would just remind myself of what's at stake (reputation I suppose), and what I would really get out of showing my anger. Try to separate yourself from the job since you know you will get laid off.

I'm usually just your friendly neighbourhood spiderman. I prefer to just do my thing while being nice and friendly to others. Should conflicts arise they are usually not important enough to fight over, so in such cases I just let my disagreement be known and leave it at that. However, if it's important and someone crosses the line I charge forward and never back down. I such cases I just don't care who's in my way - it's not in me to fear anyone, and certainly not an undeserved authority.

I think the problem is that i'm focusing very strictly at what I see as being at stake. This job is my highest value, i'm very proud of what i've achieved there, and it matters to me in more ways than just being a job. I've met some truly amazing people there and grown tremendously over the years, so I feel at home and at peace when i'm working. I've done other things in the past, had other jobs, and i've enjoyed them alot. But at the end of the day, all i've wished for is to get back there, grab a cup of coffee and sit down at my desk and get to work.

So, when i'm facing this kind of BS, that's what I see as being at stake. Hell, it's even more than that. I have plans on going through law school while working there, and it's a perfect place to be for a law student. Not only am I dealing with legal matters every day, there are also excellent carreer opportunities there.

That's why I get so upset. But as you accurately point out, what would I really get out of it? Reasoning is the best way to deal with people.

Edited by Alfa
Link to comment
Share on other sites

As it looks right now they would rather take in new people than me. I don't quite fit their profile, despite the fact that i'm performing superlatively, and the first step of the recruiting process is done by external consultants who won't consider any references(i.e the fact that I have an excellent track record is not worth sh*t in their eyes).
So, in your judgement they don't want to recruit you to a permanent position?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, in your judgement they don't want to recruit you to a permanent position?

Well, I don't know for sure yet. I think what i'll have to do is convince the right person that it is me they want. Anyhow, here's the problem in a little more detail:

First, there are laws regulating how any recruitment must be done. Even if they would want to, and i've been told that they do, they can't just hire me to a permanent position. By "they" in this case, I mean the management for my part of the organization. This is why I got an extended contract with the intention to later have a quick and smooth recruiting process. That much is possible within the law.

Simultaneously, however, there's a big re-organization going on. What this means is that the guys and HQ have designed their own recruitment strategy, that effects the whole organization. I believe the purpose has, first and foremost, been to... well, frankly, clean up the inbreeding at the management level. Now, all new recruitment is going through a similar process. I have no idea why, but that's how it is. That's also why the process is incredibly strict.

Now, for my part of the organization they are looking to recruit internally. Meaning, they want people to come from other parts of the organization. This is actually targeted rather specifically to certain people. That's all fine with me. There's just one little problem... when they try to target a specific group of people, it's not like they design the profile for people like me who already work there.

That's what's causing me grief. First, that they can't stick to what was already agreed upon, and second because i'm pretty much left out because I already have the job... I might add that I also have the competence of the "target audience", because i've worked there as well, it's just that i'm from a different background so I don't match the profile exactly.

So, in my judgement i'll have to convince some people to look past minor details and get them to see my actual competence, which I have proved over and over again. I think that if I can win over someone on our management, then i'll be fine. If they don't already know who I am they can find out quickly. However, if I have to deal with the guys brought in extarnally, my application is probably going to find it's way to the round archive. That would of course be more than just a little frustrating, considering all it would take is a phone call to random person i've worked with. Not to mention I already "have" the job.

Anyway, I guess the answer to your question is; "we'll see...".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anger is a good emotion. Anger is telling you to take some action i.e. *rational action*. It is good that you have posted here since this will stop you from doing anything irrational which shows you are already doing something about your situation. Anger is a powerful emotion if you use it correctly, suppressing your anger will only make you depressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would put it a little differently. Anger is "only" an emotion. It can be based on either good or bad premises. When the reason for anger is justified it can be a useful fuel for action.

I agree that supressing/repressing your emotions is bad. However, so is getting overly emotional and acting without clear thinking.

Slightly off-topic:

I have indeed just passed the first phase in the recruiting process. I must say i'm pleasantly surprised by that. The next step is to pass a personality test. This is based on allocating points on a series of statements. Each step has 3 statements and 6 points to allocate. The statements go something like: it's important to work in a good enviroment, have challenging tasks and think outside the box.

Sheesh, is that kind of crapola common in todays market?

Edited by Alfa
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Haha, just got a permanent position and almost a 1000$ more per month raise. Did not see that one coming...

What can I say, except... duh, WINNING! :D

Congratulations! That's great raise!

Perhaps you have a champion in the form of some manager and don't realize quite how much of an advocate he is. All the best in your new position.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations! That's great raise!

Perhaps you have a champion in the form of some manager and don't realize quite how much of an advocate he is. All the best in your new position.

Thanks! Yes indeed, i'm very happy about that. Suddenly I have a half decent salary. :D

Perhaps you're right. It seems that I have misjudged them, and boy am I happy to be wrong!

The recruiting process itself was rather... special, I think.

First, of course, you had to pass the review of your application. I know a few who failed there for seemingly arbitrary reasons.

Then you had to take the personality test. I think it must have been built around some dark magic, because as bad as it looked it still provided rather accurate answers. When I got the feedback from the test I could agree with pretty much everything it said.

The next step was an interview with, supposedly, the best recruiters around. And darn it, the lady who interview me was absolutely brilliant. I have never before left an interview thinking that they got a complete and honest view of me. On top of that, I felt exhalted afterwards. I had such an amazingly good time on that interview, and I got tons of positive feedback. If it wasn't illegal i'd send that lady some flowers and a cake.

Based on that my boss got a review of all the applicants who passed. I was one of them. And, lastly, it was time for an interview with my boss. Can you imagine how stiff of an interview it was, when you've worked with the guy for 6 months? I'm glad that was over quickly...

This whole process has been like some slow agonizing torture. During the last 6 months i've had my contract extended no less than 4 times, and now... finally!

Oh well, now that it's over and done with it's time to make plans on how to improve further and set up goals for the future. One really good thing about this job is that it could possibly make a great opportunity to get into law school. It would be fun to study that on the side while advancing my career.

Edited by Alfa
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...