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Veritas

Sex and Trade

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What do people think is right or wrong about this...

Husband: I want to have sex tonight

Wife: No

Wife: Will you run to the store for me and get some eggs.

Husband: Sure but only if when I return you will have sex with me

Wife: ...but I don’t feel like it...

Husband: No problem, so then when you feel like it...since I am agreeing to go to the store for you I would like for you at some point to have sex with me in return.... quid pro quo...

Wife: I don’t want to trade favors for sex...

Husband: Why not? You can ask me to do anything... I will do it as long as you will have sex with me in return....

 

 

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Sex is a trade, but the price is steeper than a trip to the store. You're trading in virtues of the highest order, not in small favors.

Your virtues make people love and desire you. If you don't have them, you will only be able to buy sex from people who lack them too.

Edited by Nicky

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2 hours ago, Nicky said:

Sex is a trade, but the price is steeper than a trip to the store. You're trading in virtues of the highest order, not in small favors.

Your virtues make people love and desire you. If you don't have them, you will only be able to buy sex from people who lack them too.

What makes "sex" a higher value than an other value?

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19 hours ago, Veritas said:

What do people think is right or wrong about this...

As a general rule, sex has a psychological component, not just a physical one. 

For instance, while having sex, one's partner may be saying something, or moaning, or showing a certain enthusiasm in their eyes ... various things that do not directly physically impact the other person's body. And, this changes the pleasure of sex. This explains why prostitutes have a thing called "the girlfriend experience",  with a premium price-tag. 

Consider also various sexual acts that are considered kinky, conventionally. It could be role-playing, or more. These have little to do with the physical aspects of how the two (or more) human bodies interact. It is more about the fantasy that is made a little more concrete by acting it out. And it does not have to be loving; violent sex has the same quality of enacting some theme. 

So, that's just a general fact about sex... without considering specific contexts. That's why, when a partner is performing sex not because he/she wants to, but rather as a purely physical act, it is more like being masturbated by someone else. It's qualitatively different. That's why having sex for a reason other than wanting to have sex changes the nature of the act.

Human beings evaluate things within broader contexts than the one act itself., weighing long-term versus short term consequences. If sex between two partners is routinely reduced to something less than even a paid-for "girlfriend experience", there's a good chance that it will qualitatively effect the sex between the couple more widely.

With all that said... there may be nothing wrong with the conversation you you describe... if one adds certain specific context and tweak the language to be less clinical and more loving.

 

Edited by softwareNerd

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12 hours ago, Veritas said:

What do people think is right or wrong about this...

Husband: I want to have sex tonight

Wife: No

Wife: Will you run to the store for me and get some eggs.

Husband: Sure but only if when I return you will have sex with me

Wife: ...but I don’t feel like it...

Husband: No problem, so then when you feel like it...since I am agreeing to go to the store for you I would like for you at some point to have sex with me in return.... quid pro quo...

Wife: I don’t want to trade favors for sex...

Husband: Why not? You can ask me to do anything... I will do it as long as you will have sex with me in return....

 

 

Be attractive to her and she will respond by desiring sex then you will not even have to ask for it.   

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A man who values himself, includes in what it means to have sex, his partner's desire for him.  A man with self-esteem selfishly wants, as a value to himself, as reward and pride and affirmation, the desire of a woman.  Such a man would no more want to have sex with a wife who is not "in the mood", than a truly proud man would hire an actor to utter false flatteries at him...

Only a man severely lacking in self esteem would hire such an actor, or believe that sex with anyone (even his wife) who is "not into it" would be of any value whatever to him.

To answer the question about what is "wrong", your scenario depicts a man of low self-esteem, and is pitifully low on what he should want for himself in his relationship with his wife and what he should want in having sex with her.  The undeveloped man is "wrong", in himself, and his low expectations.

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Sex is a trade for sex.  I think women want good sex as much as men do.  Sex is a thousand times better, in my opinion, if there is deep understanding, intimacy, bonding, humor, connection.    I wouldn't buy a guy eggs to get him to have sex with me.  The context or the wording is off.  It doesn't seem romantic.  I would buy him eggs because I enjoy doing nurturing, nourishing things for the person I love, it adds to a feeling of well being in the home.  It might inspire him to feel more sexual in the future.

I wouldn't negotiate sex.  If he doesn't want sex it may be a sign of a deeper problem, or time to leave the relationship.  If someone doesn't 'feel' like it, the belief that they could just lay there and let it happen anyway is sad.  

The belief that there is some kind of sexual/favor debt to charge each other with, and the expectation of immediate pay off will kill the passion.  

I am attracted to a mans mind, his integrity, his work ethic, his creativity... not so much his semi-willingness to fetch eggs.  

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