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Talking Dirty to a Lover

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As long as we've temporarily broken the sex-talk taboo, what are your opinions of "talking dirty" to a partner. Assume that the partner is a proper sex partner (spouse, live-in girlfriend, etc.).

Well maybe you had a taboo about sex, but I certainly didn't. Sex sex sex sex sexy sex.

For a man, talking dirty can be a way of expressing ownership of and entitlement to your partner, as well as just showing general masculine boldness. For example, you could announce to her that sometime later tonight she's going to be having her brains f**ed out (for added effect state the exact time). Assuming you're not an idiot and did it in the proper context, and with nonchalant certainty, this can be quite a turn on for her (though make sure you do as promised!). It helps if you don't swear very often under normal circumstances though, otherwise it won't be very effective.

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It's not that I had a taboo, so much as it is this isn't a topic that is broached much on these forums. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging (which I'm not), I love dirty talk, especially during sex. I won't go into the specific words and phrases that I like, but it makes it much more enjoyable for me.

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It's not that I had a taboo, so much as it is this isn't a topic that is broached much on these forums. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging (which I'm not), I love dirty talk, especially during sex. I won't go into the specific words and phrases that I like, but it makes it much more enjoyable for me.

Well that added nothing to the discussion. Do you have any idea why you like it?

And why on earth would it be something braggable? I couldn't care less what you do in bed, and neither should anyone else.

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For a man, talking dirty can be a way of expressing ownership of and entitlement to your partner, as well as just showing general ... boldness.
And presumably vice versa?

I don't really know why I like it...it just turns me on for some reason.
Nothing like an interested and passionate woman?
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What is it about such talk that makes it "dirty", as opposed to "sensual" or some other term?

Well part of the fun (nowadays) in keeping "dirty talk" labeled dirty is that by placing it in the realm of taboo people can get some sort of exhiliration in breaking it. I don't think that the people who call it "dirty talk" really think it is indeed dirty, lesser, base, or low. I think they like calling it dirty talk so that way they can be big, bad, and naughty when they engage in it...whereas a more realistic way of looking at it (as you said...perhaps sensual talk?) gets rid of that perceived naughty rebellion against "convention."

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Well maybe you had a taboo about sex, but I certainly didn't. Sex sex sex sex sexy sex.

For a man, talking dirty can be a way of expressing ownership of and entitlement to your partner, as well as just showing general masculine boldness. For example, you could announce to her that sometime later tonight she's going to be having her brains f**ed out (for added effect state the exact time). Assuming you're not an idiot and did it in the proper context, and with nonchalant certainty, this can be quite a turn on for her (though make sure you do as promised!). It helps if you don't swear very often under normal circumstances though, otherwise it won't be very effective.

Rob, I'm glad you are participating more here. Again, I must say that I love your wit. I'm impressed also by your thoughts on sexual psychology. If you ever write a treatise on the subject, I would love to read it.

Sincerely,

Jose Gainza.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is poem in which the speaker talks "dirty" to his beloved and his object of conquest. Though I only swear once (and not in a sexual connotation), the rest of the poem is more effective than if I were to swear more. To get the poem the reader must assume that the speaker is correct in his romantic confidence, and thus, he know the soul of his beloved, which is mistakenly rejecting him.

CIAO BABY?

By Jose Gainza

What the fuck you saying?

“Maybe”!

I see the hunger in your eyes

Screaming, “Save me!”

Save you from the hurt of being great

Thus needing “Candy”.

I got all the candy that you need,

Baby.

We can celebrate your world

Sweaty.

I will end your pain of longing,

Hot and heavy.

I will touch you with my manliness,

O, so hefty.

Maybe you’ll go out with me?

I’m ready.

Maybe you will share my wine?

I’m pretty.

Maybe you will have the time?

Make it quickly!

You know that I can make you laugh

Quite hearty.

You know how I do make you think

Deeply.

You keep me somewhere deep inside …

Sweet memory.

It sucks that dreaming is enough …

Of me.

It sucks that I don’t know your art …

We’ll see.

It sucks that I can’t hear your thoughts—

I’m growing weary.

Now every chance word I do magnify—

How crazy.

But premises I have of thee

In me.

You will see how I can build,

You’ll see.

Don’t be shocked when I do turn

The key,

When I open up your door

Freely,

And grant you frenzied joy …

Heavenly.

I will take you to extremes

I do decree.

I will sample every part

Of thee.

I will teach you on your bed

Ecstasy,

And the forms that so few know

Of philosophy.

I will tell you suspense tales,

Show you irony.

I’ll teach the paradise

Within me.

Make the fucking time, dear;

You’re “killing me”.

Don’t take too long, you precious queer;

It’s agony.

Patience does run thin

Hourly.

Other heroes I will find and praise

Like tenderly.

Don’t make me say them dreaded words,

“Ciao Baby …”

Edited by AMERICONORMAN
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The difference between dirty talk and sensual talk is the same as the difference between f*cking and making love.

Possibly f*cking is enjoyable because it represents a loss of inhibitions due to the passion of the sexual act?

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I think that's an unnecessary distinction that is a product of social (aka. religous) taboos. From the lightest kiss to the most dominant act of sex, it's still that, an act. The evaluation of which is left to the individual.

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And the value of f*cking is pretty much just physical. With making love, there's also a large emotional aspect to it.

You have to have some emotions (value judgements), or it will be identical to trying to have sex with an inanimate object without even thinking. Maybe the emotions are centered more on yourself rather than her?

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And the value of f*cking is pretty much just physical. With making love, there's also a large emotional aspect to it.

Not at all.

I think you are possibly dangerously treading into mind-body dichotomy territory unless I'm misreading your statements somehow (if I am, please let me know).

Emotions are automatized responses to real stimuli. If you make love to a woman and feel emotionally good about it, it is because your emotions (as an automatized part of your mind) are responding to values.

When you physically f*ck a woman you are engaging in the same physical act as you are when you "make love." In either case, you are inserting a penis into a vagina. How fast or how rough should have nothing to do with whether there is an emotional quality to the physical act (in both cases, you should be emotionally responding to the woman you are doing the physical acts to).

You say that the only f*cking possible is "fast" and hard (contrary to a slow and gentle love making session) If that is indeed the fact, then a fast f*ck could be characterized by the fictional example Howard Roark f*cking Dominique right? Do you think that sex was [in your words] "pretty much just physical?" (as opposed to a hypothetical situation where he "makes love" to Dominique)

I don't think that had he "made love" to Dominique that he would have felt more emotionally towards her than he did when he took her hard and fast.

Generally speaking, unless you are a dude with poor ejaculatory control...going slow probably isn't going to get you to orgasm if that is all you do. That generally meansthat for any sex session to actually be productive, there is going to have to be the element of hard/fast sex (f*cking).

If you have a quickie or just have incredible stamina (going hard and fast for long periods of time)...you can have a f*ck and nothing else. If you want more than a quickie, though...chances are you will do some slow "love making" in the course of any sex session. I don't think that even a man of Sting's stamina f*cks a woman like a speed demon for all 6 hour s of his extendo love making marathons ;) (one of the things other than music that Sting is famous for...lol).

I would feel kind of bad for a dude that only reponds slow sex emotionally but cares little about hard and fast sex outside of what it does physically speaking. The mind and body ARE connected. If you are having hard, hot, sweaty, fast sex...it should matter more (emotionally speaking) then a wank job. If it doesn't, you probably aren't with the woman of your dreams.

Edited by Evan
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I'm not making a dichotomy. Making love just involves a far greater emotional aspect than fucking...I got sick of using the *, since everyone reads the word like it's supposed to be said anyway.

And I don't know why you think fast sex is necessary for ejaculation. If you go slow for long enough, it's gonna happen eventually.

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  • 1 year later...
I'm not making a dichotomy. Making love just involves a far greater emotional aspect than fucking...I got sick of using the *, since everyone reads the word like it's supposed to be said anyway.

And I don't know why you think fast sex is necessary for ejaculation. If you go slow for long enough, it's gonna happen eventually.

I've recently had my first encounter with men who talk dirty/insult women when having sex. I find it difficult to call it 'making love' because there is no tenderness involved. My first reaction was to feel uncomfortable with it. But once I overcame my Catholic upbringing inhibitions, I found it erotic. However the question remains: why do men find it erotic and why do women find it erotic?

I think that my personal answer to that as a woman is that

1) as a so-called strong, independent woman, I like a man to take control - at least in bed.

2) In this `taboo` context I can express my sexuality more freely than is expected of a woman in more 'normal' sex.

I have sometimes had the feeling that lovers are taken aback by my passion/eroticism since women are meant to have a lesser sexual drive. Are men put off by women who take the lead in erotic love-making?

What about men? What makes it more erotic? With the two guys I experienced it with I got the feeling that they were also getting even with the two women who had hurt them badly in the recent past.

I also ask whether dirty talk is necessary for hard/ fast sex becuase this society has such a screwed up attitude to sex that we can only express our erotic sexuality as opposed to our 'loving' sexuality if we feel we are crossing over into the 'perverted'.

Give me some feedback!!

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I've recently had my first encounter with men who talk dirty/insult women when having sex. I find it difficult to call it 'making love' because there is no tenderness involved. My first reaction was to feel uncomfortable with it. But once I overcame my Catholic upbringing inhibitions, I found it erotic. However the question remains: why do men find it erotic and why do women find it erotic?

I'll tell you why I find dirty talk erotic:

For one, I like to hear my partner during sex. Quiet sex may have its place, but for me, really good sex is a perceptual overload that entices *all* of the senses. I want to see, feel, touch, taste, smell, and hear my lover in the most intense way possible. The greater the perceptual stimuli, the greater the intensity.

"Dirty talk" is characterized by what would normally be considered vulgar language. In every day use, words like f*ck and sh*t are often use to express intensity. The "dirtier" the word, the more likely it is used to express greater intensity. That's the way it is for me, at least. So, when I use those words during sex to dictate to my lover what I'm about to do to her, it communicates the highest degree of intensity.

Also, I think there is something to what Rob said about dirty talk being “a way of expressing ownership of and entitlement to your partner, as well as just showing general masculine boldness.” In my experience, most dirty talk is either a pure expression of intensity (Oh sh*t!, Oh shi*t) or an expression of dominance or submission (I’m gonna f*ck the sh*t out of you, f*ck me, etc.).

I would disagree that “dirty sex” is not love making. Physically intense sex can be just as emotionally symbolic and psychologically satisfying as slow, sweet sex. It depends on what kind of baggage you bring with you.

Hope that was some good feedback for you!

--Dan Edge

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